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Running on Empty

I think this blog has run its course.

Perhaps it'd be more accurate to say that I've run my course with this blog. 

Around Christmastime, Fred was searching our blog for something and he made the off-hand comment that older posts used to be funny.

I agreed.

And while I do sort of believe that this blog as simply grown with me, it's also the exact reason why I don't really want to blog anymore.  I don't necessarily want to share my thoughts and views and whatever else with the whole entire world (hello to the 3 people that read this!).  I find myself more often than not sitting at a computer trying to drum up ideas and stressed out that it's been a while since the last mediocre post.

That's not blogging.  At least, not what I want it to be for this space.  And I don't feel like I can - or necessarily want to - get it back to that place. 

So I'm bowing out before it becomes an annoying place of my kid's height and weight measurements, books I've read (friend me on Goodreads if you want to do that) and my level of obsession with Pinterest (it's like crack, people).  I don't want to discuss the weather or how my adventures in weight loss and depression and anxiety control are going.  I just... don't want to blog and haven't wanted to for some time now.

While I'm at it, I should probably be completely honest in that I hate being back on facebook and will likely be quitting that as well.  Again.  This time for good, regardless if I have my Something Sewn page up or not.

What I feel like doing is teaching Elliot how to tie shoes, ride a bike or memorize his address without trying to find a blogable angle.  Laugh and joke with my boys without thinking 'I should blog that!' only to be a forever forgotten task.  I want to write when I want and about what I want - and may even set up a new blog to do just that in the future.

I give a hearty thankyou to all of my friends, family and followers that have made this journey with me and hope that you understand my decision. 

So, with that: adieu, auf wiedersehen, adios, arrivederci and any other word starting with "a" that means goodbye. 

It's been fun.


Anna

Cupcakes, Birthdays and the Lure of Free Dessert

Sunday afternoon, Elliot and I trekked to the store to buy supplies for Fred's favorite flavored birthday cupcakes - yellow with brown frosting.  He instantly groaned when I informed him that our darling child would be helping me make them. 

If I could read his mind I think it'd be something like this:  Oh man, that's going to be a disaster.  I'm going to choke and die on egg shells, the counter - and all walls leading to the bathroom for hand washing - will be sticky and there will be batter shot all over the kitchen when she lets him use the mixer.  How do you even get that off the ceiling? And my wife is a totally lazy slob so I know I'll have a ton of cleaning to do.  Happy Freaking Birthday to me, man.

Or something like that.

Other than completely obliterating the egg on the counter (note to self:  Elliot doesn't get the difference between gently tapping the egg and crushing it), the cupcakes turned out perfect.  So there, Freddie Bill.  And, I did manage to get the dirty dishes stacked in the sink instead of all over the kitchen, sticking - nearly permanently - to the surface of wherever I left them.  So... uh... double there, Freddie Bill.

Happy Birthday to the best husband I could ask for.  (Well, other than Matthew P. Damon, of course.) (Or Nick Newman but he'd likely run back to Phyllis at least once a year.)  Happy Birthday to the hands-down best dad ever. 

Now let's go out to eat so I can make complete strangers belt out an obnoxious rendition of the Happy Birthday song to you just to get myself a free brownie sundae.

The Impending Birthday Blues

Get ready to console Fred Seckman, ladies and gentlemen because he has officially asked for a completely unaffordable birthday gift.  (Well, in our current financial position since we ain't no lotto winners. And, considering we're in the market for an entirely new furnace/pump system.)

I assume he's tired of the old socks-and-undies routine based on the numbers of items he was able to rattle off in a matter of seconds.  But it was the last one that stopped me in my tracks.

Whoa, Fred Seckman, just who do you think we are?  Did you get some astronomical raise I don't know about? Did YOU win the lottery?  Did you cash out our retirement accounts?  Cause, whoa, man.  Whoa.

What did he want?  An all expense paid trip to Wrigley Field for Opening Day for him and 10 friends.

I did some quick math on the basics:

• Tickets to the game - $50 each x 11 people:  $550.00
• They'll have to take 3 cars - 533 miles each way / 22mpg x $3.20 for gas x 3 vehicles:  $232.58
• Gas station snacks and Mountain Dews - $4 each x 11 people x 4 stops: $176.00
• Fast food meals - $10 each x 11 people x 4 times:  $440.00
• Hotel stay for 2 nights w/ 2 per room - $210 x 6 rooms x 2 nights:  $2,520.00
• Fancy breakfast at hotel - $18 each x 11 people:  $198.00
• Then they'll eat at Harry Carays downtown - $45 times 11 people: $495.00
• They'll obviously need beer and snacks at the game - $20 times 11 people: $220.00
• Souvenirs at the game and new hats - $35 each:  $385.00

... and it comes up to about eleventy billion dollars, or $5,216.58.  Note:  This figure doesn't include any speeding tickets, toll fees or the bail I'll have to post when he runs on the field naked and gets arrested.

Word for 2012

Once a month, we have an all-staff huddle where I work.  It's a great chance to catch up on the happenings around here since our organization does so much different work by people spread out across the state. 

At the beginning of each huddle, we do some kind of ice-breaker.  Normally, these make me cringe as they bring back memories of days in which an ice-breaker seemed a mandatory part of Day 1 in any class you took or group you joined.  Horrid.  Awful.  Dreaded, even. 

(Side note:  I used to get so nervous before tests that I was prepared for that I'd have to poo a million times so you can imagine my level of anxiety on the first day of anything.  Hello, TMI.)

Yesterday, however, was good.  We were asked to give our name and then one word to describe how we felt / looked at going into 2012.  There were a lot of answers you'd expect: energized, ready, excited, refreshed, etc. but my answer was a little different.  My word?

Relieved.

Relieved that 2011 is behind me and relieved that a new year was escorted in without any major glitches.  Relieved that I seem to be on track to a healthier me on a variety of levels.  Relieved that I have a strong base of family and friends that supported me through was was probably the toughest year of my life.  Relieved that I can breathe again.

Also?  Relieved that I know my word can and hopefully will change as the year goes on.  For now, I'm content basking in the glow of filing things away and storing them up but I know that won't last forever.  I hope to be hopeful next followed by rejuvenated.  (Or some other sappy crappy word like that.)

What is your word for 2012?

Recent Reads

I finally got the brainpower back to read so I've been making up for lost time.  Below are the books I've read recently, categorized by my super scientific calculations:

You Should Totally Read This
The Almost Moon - Alice Sebold
These Things Hidden - Heather Gudenkauf
You're Not You - Michelle Wildgen
Autobiography of a Fat Bride - Laurie Notaro
Paint it Black - Janet Fitch
White Oleander - Janet Fitch
There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell - Laurie Notaro

Meh - It was Decent
The Bricklayer - Noah Boyd
Wire to Wire - Scott Sparling
Midwives - Chris Bohjalian
Crybaby Ranch - Tina Welling
Bossypants - Tina Fey
Spooky Little Girl - Laurie Notaro
Same Kind of Different As Me - Ron Hall
Hardly Knew Her - Laura Lippman
More Than it Hurts You - Darin Strauss

Don't Bother
The Belivers - Zoe Heller
The First Husband - Laura Dave

I Died a Little Inside
Badd - Tim Tharp
Falling Home - Karen White
If You Were Here - Jen Lancaster


You're welcome.

While I Was Out...

I feel like I've been checked out for the last year or so and definitely checked out of this blog for months.  So many times I wanted to dust off the keyboard and clack out the latest Seckman adventures, mishaps and news but I just never knew what to say.

Should I explain my absence?
Did I actually need to?
It felt heavy.  Daunting, even. And, I didn't know where I'd start.

I can sum up the last 12 months with these words: Depression and Anxiety blows, y'all.  So with a new year comes the chance to start over new. I will not dredge up the past and force myself to relive these last 12 months but to move forward and get back to what I love to do: write, entertain and document our lives.

So, what'd you miss, you ask?  Sadly, lots.  A montage, just for you:

I was informed I was the worst mom ever by my darling child.  Elliot got busted making out with a classmate.  (3 times.  He is 4. But, he said to the Center's Director, it's okay because he'll marry her.)  Fred got a hard-earned and well-deserved promotion at work. He also told an Urgent Care doc that I pushed him down the stairs. (I didn't.) 4 months later he had surgery after finally admitting it wasn't healing and I'm officially on shovel duty through the end of January. We went to Disney World again and met up with the Medwicks.  It successfully reminded me just how much I miss them.  I've spent a bundle of money buying fabrics that are cute with absolutely nothing planned to make with them.  Elliot got his first love note from a girl at preschool - it was him and her holding hands with a heart over it.  (Yes, it's still hanging on the fridge.)  Fred surprised me with a Forever Lazy and a new diamond wedding band for Christmas.  (Not sure which I love more!)  I fell down the stairs in November and then re-injured the torn plantar fascia when Evil Stacey talked me into working out with her. I got a new nephew - Wyatt!  Elliot lets me paint his fingernails.  Eric, our favorite Lazlo's manager, demoted himself and returned to being a server.  He is now our favorite Lazlo's server. Over Thanksgiving we saw Elliot's love of apple pie come to fruition. I successfully brainwashed Fred's family into serving canned cranberry sauce at every big family meal.  Fred finally got me to buckle and he's now the proud owner of a gigantic TV.  We launched the first (and hopefully annual) Fredtoberfest.  Elliot was sick on Halloween and had to spend the night watching out the window with a super sad face at everyone walking around scoring bags of candy.  Fred made me miss all but the last 5 seconds of Elliot's first Christmas Program.  (Yes, I'm still bitter.  No, it's not the reason for the ring.) I hosted a Pampered Chef party with one of the biggest whack-job consultants I've ever met.  I helped teach Stacey to sew and form an addiction to fabric. Elliot attended his first wedding and got to put on a real show on the dance floor including all the moves to Cha Cha Slide. Recently, I experienced the most awesome beverage my mouth has ever encountered: a well-made mojito served in a jar.

I have no doubt I'm leaving some things out like the time the sales person at a shoe store asked me out to lunch or the asses that are occupying Lincoln in front of the State Office Building (as if they aren't some of the most disgruntled, government-hating folks out there) or even telling you some of Elliot's hysterical (read: awful) knock-knock jokes.


The final thing we did in 2011? The Seckman Trio hung out at Dave & Buster's on New Years Eve eating delicious food and playing arcade games until we were pooped (read: broke and way past Elliot's bedtime).

And, I think it was the perfect way to let loose at the end of a trying year - laughing, playing, winning prizes and remembering just how much I love my awesome family.

Goodbye and Hello

Goodbye to the worst year ever.

Hello - and welcome - to the new year.

Time

It's been well over a month since my last post and a friend recently said to me "I miss the Cyber Seckmans."

Me too, friend.  Me too.

Truth is, this last month has been pretty hard for me, on me, for my family and on my family.  If I'm completely honest, this last entire year has been tough because I acknowledged the spiral back in January and I don't think I'm entirely out of it yet.  I thought I was turning around and quickly proclaimed 2011 as "The Year of Re-Constructing Anna," vowing to get back to the old me and be who I deserve to be.  Who I want to be for both, myself and those around me.

So far?  Nothing. 

More therapy, different doctor, different meds and still I am filled with indifference, loneliness, sadness and anger. A general sense of hopelessness and a constant yearning to be the old me while firmly stuck inside the current me.  My mind is a muddied mess.

I don't doubt that I'll come out of this okay.  At some point I will find a regimen that works for me and will be able to get back on the path of re-construction. 

I just need a little more time.

Updates from the Sewing Lair

Just a quick update to let you know that I've been super busy in my sewing lair....   

New to the shop:  zipper pouches!  I created a total of 4, including this cutie for myself and have them priced at a measly $16.00 each.  With any luck (ha) they won't last long!

An oldie but goodie is the mug rug.  The shop has also been updated with a variety of mug rugs in all colors and sizes.  Priced at $5.00 each these are a steal.

Per my sister's request, I made my first fully lined bag for Elliot, cousin Nate and birthday boy Kael a few weeks ago.  Following a pattern from Chez Beeper Bebe, these bad boys only took a few hours each but are sure to get hours more of use from each of the boys getting one.

And last, but certainly not least, the beast is done.  This Bottled Rainbow quilt took months to create with each block commanding about 3 hours of work ... crazy?  Yes, I am.  But I absolutely love it!

Shop updates here.
Flickr updates here.

Enjoy!

Hey Waiter!

Hey Dad -

Remember how this weekend we were talking about how gross flies are because they puke on you every time they land on you? 

Well, I found a large, dead fly in my iced tea last night at a local eatery.  Not only did he likely puke all over the ice in my glass but he died there too and filled my cup with carcass germs.  I found him after I had already drank some of my tea.  I still throw up a little in my mouth when I think about it.

And?  The manager only comped my tea.

I hope your night was better.

Anna

You Win, Zuckerberg.

Something Sewn has been back on facebook for a little while now and has a gigantic pool of likers (read: 32).  Do you want to like me too?  Do you?  Oh goodie!  Go here.

What I didn't want to do was set up a profile for myself but it seems Mark Zuckerberg thinks otherwise and in order for me to fully utilize my Something Sewn fb page I need to be linked up to a profile.  Tricky, Mark.  For the last week I've been having a staring match with him and it hasn't seemed to help my cause.  I even used his name in vain a few times in an attempt to ruffle his um, leg hairs?  Nothing.

Today I caved and blinked my eyes.  Anna Seckman is back on facebook.

Damn you, Zuckerberg.

The Big 500

I've got super big huge news today, people:
This?  Right here?  Is my 500th post. 

I have had 500 things to share with you, tell you, let you know.

And, oddly?  I'm at a loss for today's post and have no words.

Mouth of Babes or Whatever-the-F&@#

I was getting dressed this morning and my 4 year old gasped, exclaiming OH MY GOSH your underwear is like thiiiis big! with outstretched arms to show me just how big.

Ouch.

How'd your day start?

And All of My Money Goes To....

Commenter #9 - Wendi, who posted as Anonymous, gets a total of $16.60 from me just for playing. I was pretty sure I only had the $0.60 so it was a good day to play along.  Thanks for all the comments - I loved reading every single one.

Blippits: A Definition and Examples

Hi, my name is Anna and it's been 2 weeks since my last post.
And I don't honestly know when or if it will get any better.

You see, I just don't feel like I have anything to talk about that you would actually want to read.  Things are going on, sure, but I never feel like it's anything you'd want to hear about.  Or I have a post in mind that nearly requires a picture - something I'm just too lazy and forgetful to do.  And some are things that I'm not sure how to actually talk about here.

So, instead, I give you blippits (blurbs + snippets):

• Elliot has moved up to the 4 year old / official preschool room at school leaving behind his beloved Ms. Nicole.  Her favorite memory of him?  Him coming up to her and politely telling her "my shorts are in my body" ... I guess we failed at teaching him what a wedgie is.  
• Also, he got new shoes - in a size 12W.  Hellllo, giant feet.
• The first Farmers' Market I did was great.  The second?  Sucked so bad that it had me re-thinking my ability to even turn on a sewing machine. Thankfully, Etsy picked up a bit and my confidence was restored.  Farmers' Market though?  Pshaw, I'm over you.
• I got a REALLY COOL invite to be in a local craft show (that shall remain nameless for what I'm about to say...) but then got uninvited (I KNOW) because one item I make is too similar to something that two other people make.  I responded that I was disappointed and thought I had more to offer than just that one item... and noted I wouldn't be applying.  I'm really upset about this one - I was so excited that she searched me out and personally invited me to be a part of her show and then, with clickety-clack of the keyboard, uninvited me without much thought. 
• New nephew alert!  Wyatt joined the ranks of Seckman grand kids as Fred's sister Steph had her second child nearly 2 weeks ago.  He's as cute as his brother was and just as charming.
• We'll be at Disney World in 29 days!  I only wish that said FOR 29 days.
• And because thinking of the big Dee-Dub (get it?  DW? Short for Disney World? Oh forget it.) reminds me of lots of people taking your picture, let me tell you a sad little story involving yours truly.  You see, we had a special event last week that I had to work at and numerous pictures were taken.  Numerous pictures showing just how (ah-hem) large I have become.  If you know me at all, you know I'm not one of those 'Yeah, and I'm proud of my curves" women but, instead, am the type that was made physically ill at the sight and cued up the band for my very own pity party while simultaneously trying to hide out under a desk somewhere lest someone should see this ugliness.  How much ugly can I lose in 29 days?
• The place where I work laid off two employees on the first of this month thanks to the lack of funding to sustain the positions. I'm still not sure what to think about it all and am completely unsure that it's even blog appropriate. All I know is that I am no longer working with two people that I considered to be both, coworkers and friends. And I miss them. And, in a sick sort of way, I'm happy it wasn't me.
• On the heels of that news, we decided to take on a few home improvement projects in the event that it could be me next time and if we needed to sell the house, at least we'd be ready to go. What started off as some weeding and mulching in the back led to painting shutters, painting the front door, installing new door hardware and making plans to replace outside lights next month. Speaking of outside...
• Shrubbery Update: I've got Fred nailed down for NEXT SPRING to get rid of those barberries! Finally! Hurray! Hurrah! How long till "next spring?"  That's like February, right?
• Speaking of Fred, we celebrated our 7th anniversary earlier this month by shipping Elliot off to Tecumseh so I could sew and he could play video games. Uninterrupted.  That?  Is love. 

In honor of our anniversary, I'll give one lucky commenter all the money in my wallet!  All you have to do is tell me something that's happened in your life recently or give a suggestion on what you'd like me to blog about.  I'll leave this open through Thursday at 11:59pm CST and pick a winner at random on Friday.

Let's Talk about Meds, Bay-bee

For the most part, I'm open and honest here and don't shy away from posting about my struggles with depression and anxiety even if it does send my pulse racing before I click "Publish Post" and wince, waiting for the lashings. 

The lashings never come.

Instead I get outpourings of support and love.  Support from people that understand what I'm talking about and that maybe struggle too.  Support from people that love me regardless of any disease I may have.

Yes, disease.  It is a disease.

And being no different than a Diabetic treating their disease with insulin, I treat my depression and anxiety with medication too.  Something in my brain isn't producing the right chemicals and I'm fixing that. 

But somehow I'm viewed as the crazy one - the one with a - shhhh! - mental illness. 

A friend asked this weekend why there is such a stigma attached to it.  I had no answer.  Why, she asked, is it such a big hushed-up secret as if you'd die should anyone find out you're on an anti-depressant.  I still had no answer.  Isn't it easier to justify if it's Post-Partum Depression and not just regular depression?   Again, no answer.

Today I read a blog post that nearly brought me to tears.  Struggling for some time, she didn't want to take her meds because of weight gain and honing her fine skills of convincing herself she's just fine. 

Like somehow breaking down and taking these stupid little pills makes her any less of a person - a mom, a wife, a woman, whatever.  Like somehow treating her disease would be viewed as socially inappropriate.

Been there, done that, got over it. 

I just wish everyone else would too so that those of us struggling wouldn't constantly feel like we're climbing up a hill filled with your disdain and dirty looks.

Favorite Time

Hands down, my favorite time of day every single day is the moment I check in on a (hopefully) sleeping Elliot.  I creep into his room, pull the covers back over his tiny, 4 year old body, and instantly forget (hopefully) any of the rotten things he may have done that day.

To see him sleeping - so soft and innocent - erases the yelling and scolding but reinforces the giggling and cuddling.  My boy - my perfect boy - resting up for another day with Giraffey and a blankie in addition to all of his normal bedding.

Some nights are easier than others and some nights beg me to call a witness to what I see - naked butt up in the air, most of a body hanging out of bed, etc. 

Last night was one of those nights. 

I know I should get on him about playing with things in bed, but when you go in his room and see that cuteness, how can you do anything but smile?

A Kind Reminder to Myself

A reminder to myself as someone that takes everything and everyone entirely too seriously. Thank you, Pinterest, for this gem today.

Local Feature

A local photographer, Natalie Myers of Shay Chic Photography has a segment she does on Wednesdays featuring a local crafter called Homegrown Wednesday.

Guess who today's featured crafter is?

If you guessed me, you guessed right.
(If you guessed someone else, shove off.)

Hop on over and be sure to show her, and me, some bloggy love.