Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Rules of Marriage: All the Money in My Wallet

Because every marriage is built on infidelity and gold-digging, it only makes sense that a part of that structure would include gambling.

If memory serves, the Mr. started this one a long, long time ago by asking me to do something like drive to a gas station and get him a fountain pop. I said no. He said “I’ll give you all the money in my wallet!” and I was sold. Unlucky for him, I scored $10 for driving 4 blocks and back.

Back in the day when we had a bit more extra money (read: we just bought a new house and are back to eating Ramen Noodles and SPAM)(No, not really), these bets were more frequent and it was a literal crap shoot on whether or not you’d make any money off the deal.

Ha. Crap shoot. Get it? It’s a pun? ... Nevermind.

THAT, my friends, was the kicker. For all you knew – all the money in my wallet added up to exactly 0 dollars and 00 cents.

And yes, that has happened.
And yes, usually only to me.

Best one ever was when I begged for a back rub. Just a simple rub between the shoulder blades where all of my stress hangs out. 5 minutes was all I wanted and he just wouldn’t do it. I played my All the Money in My Wallet card and he agreed. Rubbed the back. And – much to my shock – made out like a bandit. I had something like $46.00 in my wallet that day.


My day will come. I’m hoping it’s the day when he’s moving his secret treasure (it’s just not safe to keep it in the same place forever) and really wants another fountain pop.

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