Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Flying: The Love/Hate Relationship

Just last month we flew the friendly skies. We had to:

Book months in advance for a decent price
Get there over an hour before takeoff
Find parking and wait for a shuttle
Get in line to use the automated system
Pay around $20 for each bag
Get in another line to show the counter person our IDs
Contemplate definition of AUTOMATED SYSTEM
Get in line at security
Show IDs again to less than friendly folks
Take off our shoes
Practically empty the carry-on
Take off any form of coat
Get cattle-prodded through the line
Shove our 3 year old through without touching him
Get yelled at for accidentally having a bag on my shoulder
Listen jerk, I said I was sorry - stop scowling
Wait as Fred continually beeps at security
Try, desperately, to get Elliot's shoes on
Yell at Elliot to not run away so I can put my shoes on
Find a place to sit facing the sun (of course)
Pay $12.00 for water, muffin and croissant
Eat the stale muffin and croissant
Learn the hard way that Elliot back washes in our water
Find a bathroom, inside security, for Elliot
Find an outlet for laptop for use... if we want to pay $3.00
Wait for an hour with sun searing our corneas
Get in line to get on the plane
Convince Elliot to stay close
Board plane and shuffle, slowly down the aisle
Sit and convince the kid to buckle up and sit still
Stuff Elliot and one of us into the nasty airplane bathroom
Listen to him whimper and whine the entire descent
Wait to deplane while rude people rush the aisle from behind
Quickly drag Elliot out to avoid being caught in the stampede
Orient ourselves and find a bathroom for Elliot

Repeat 3 times.

As much as I hate you, flying, I do love that you can get us to Mickey Mouse's house lickety-split... and that is worth the hassle.

Well, mostly anyway.

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