Wednesday, April 27, 2011

When NOT Sharing is Actually Caring

I don't like to share.  Never have.
I blame my brother for this personality trait (read: flaw).

Little baby Dan was brought into the world exactly one year and one day after me and, I think, he pushed his way out weeks early because he was so jealous of my awesomeness and wanted to ride my coattails for life. And from day one, I've been shooing him off of said coattails and out of my way.

But he never listened.

Instead, I was forced to share birthday parties with him. 

Wah for baby Dan, let him open his presents on Anna's birthday because he'll be so sad.  Why don't we just give him Anna's birthday all together?  She doesn't need one at all!  Dan, you have TWO BIRTHDAYS now!  Congrats to you!  Anna who?  What?

I'm positive that's how it went.

Baby Dan turns 32 today.  Thankfully, we live many states a part so that there is NO CHANCE that I have to share my party with him now.  HA, SUCKA.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Special Note for a Special Person on a Special Day

My Dearest Darling,

At 7:52am this morning you turned one year older... and oh! what a year it has been. You've grown in so many ways and I couldn't possibly love you much more than I do right now. 

It seems like you just keep growing - sometimes over night - and I've found myself having to suddenly rush out and buy new clothes for you. I wish you'd stop! I should bind you up and take away all foods for a few months to see if that puts a stop to the nonsense.

An up-side to your growth, though, is that your taste in television programming has gotten better.  You seem to be steering away from crap and more toward 'Phineas and Ferb' - surely a large step in the right direction.

As you get older, you're getting a bit wiser and tend to make less rash decisions.  Instead of pretending like you can't hear when I ask for help with dishes, you look directly at me before stomping away.  It's progress.

I can feel you testing your limits too, like throwing a fit when I don't let you watch TV before bed.  You'll eventually grow out of this and learn that 'my way or the highway' just ain't gonna work in all situations.  I know it seems like you should get to do whatever you want at this age, but sometimes - and you'll have to trust me here - I actually do know what's best for you.

You did manage to kick a few addicting habits this year and for that I'm proud of you.  I'm also proud that you're going to put yourself out there this summer and show your friends and family what you are capable of.

I look forward to the next few months, years and decades.  I think our love for each other can only get better from here. Happy 33rd Birthday, Anna!


Monday, April 25, 2011

Things I Don't Understand for a Thousand, Alex.

Answer:  The Royal Wedding

I don't get what the big flipping deal is.  Of course, this is the same girl that doesn't watch our own Presidents get sworn in on Inauguration Day but still. 

What it boils down to for me is this:  Isn't this country and it's monarchy exactly what we were trying to get away from oh-so-many years ago?  Why yes, it is.  We didn't like the monarchy set up and we didn't like them bossing us around so we threw a little fit and staged a large-scale temper tantrum to let them know.

Fast forward a century or so and now we're having parties just to watch the royal wedding? 

I don't get it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Bunny Knows

I remember staring at my cousin Carrie and not being able to find the words to ask her the biggest question I had in my mind: how did the Easter Bunny know you'd be here?

For whatever reason, her and her brother had stayed at our Grandma's house that weekend and it was completely outside of my comprehension how he - the Bunny - would know to find them there. 

Did he go to their house and find it empty? 
Had their parents informed him ahead of time?
Was he really magic and just knew?

Regardless - he found them and here were their baskets and eggs were strewn about the room, waiting for the two to find them.  And I don't recall her response to my question but it was something along the lines of him 'just knowing' where they were... looking back, and knowing our age difference, I'm sure my question was also answered with a grin that all adults and older children get when in the presence of little believers. 

The oh! isn' this cute she believes in the Easter Bunny look. 
The very same look I probably give to my own child.

We may find ourselves out of town Easter morning and I am finding myself in this same predicament as Elliot's old enough to know about the Bunny but young enough to believe.  I'm not even sure if he'll think, but I already find myself wondering what my response will be.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'd Like an Update with a Side of Updates, Please

1.  The office pooper has either moved upgraded it's wrath or we have another bathroom offender.  Our newest culprit is the seat pee-er on-er.  I'm so over the females in my office.

2.  Thanks, no doubt, to your fabulous comment/letters, Fred has agreed to a removal plan of the world's unfriendliest bushes ever.  2 years, he claims, and they'll be gone.  That gives me just enough time to save up my allowance to PAY someone else to do it.  Heh.

3.  Elliot would like a baby sister.  I'm still laughing hysterically.

4.  Elliot would like a puppy and a kitty.  Again, laughing, still.

5.  I'm going to be a gardener this year.  I've planned out my planting list (perennials, thankyouverymuch) and have a list and am ready to hit up the big plant sale this weekend.  Garden - you will be mine.  Oh yes, you will be mine.  (Well, until you make me hot and sweaty, fill with bugs or get too many weeds or it's too hot to go out and water or or ...)

6.  I got to hang out with my girl crush on Friday!!! After much giggling, cuddling and spa services we went our seperate ways on Saturday.  My heart breaks but is filled with hope that I'll see my South Carolina love again.

7.  Best news ever for Fred and Elliot: I'm in a decent mood today.

What's going on in your life?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

There's always something in a husbands life that his mother just does best.  In our situation, his mom can actually make the Toll House Cookies turn out while mine end up one of two ways: thin and crispy or fat and puffy.  It doesn't matter what I do or how hard I try, I just can't get them to work.

I made on Monday, though, and OH! they were good.  Even Fred agreed they were deliciously, nearly-perfectly to the level of his mom's cookies.

Me = Satisfied

To keep my mitts, and the mitts of people living with me, out of them, I packed them up, put on a lid and didn't think about it again.  Until I got the following text from Fred:

Pulled into work. Looked at passenger seat. It's FILLED with ants.  The cookie container was filled with ants.

In my best Samuel L. Jackson voice, there are MOTHERF*CK!NG ANTS ON THE MOTHERF*CK!NG COOKIES!  (Get it?  Snakes on a Plane?  Worst movie ever?)

Those little bastards somehow snuck into our house on Monday night and camped themselves out IN THE CONTAINER OF COOKIES and probably dined like kings until Fred found them crawling all over his truck seat.  There was not a single ant on the counter that morning.  And really, if my options are to hang out on Formica or hang out in a giant sea of cookies, I'd go for the cookies too.


Or, Cindy found out that I made a good batch and drove an hour up here and back JUST TO PUT ANTS IN THE COOKIES.  She's plotting and devious, that one...

Needless to say, war has been waged. 
On the ants, not Cindy.  She's good people.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

What "4 Year Old Boy" Looks Like

Watch out, he said, there is 'struction by the door.

Indeed, there was.

I'm thankful, daily, to have this boy in my life.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Anna Smash Heart Hands

There is an on-going trend that I am so over that it induces a severe eye roll whenever I see it.  A worse offender than vegetables, Pickleman's making me pay for pickles, Ticketmaster fees and puppy mills.


You know you've seen it* - images of people all cutesy (read: barfy) holding up their hands together in the shape of a heart, inducing an "oh wow" sigh from most everyone but me. 

I'm over it.

Knock it off.

Put your hands down.

*In case you've never seen this ridiculousness, I've linked to a page of images here.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Beginning of "Parenthood"

I thought parenthood started when the baby follows you home from the hospital, demanding your every free second and ounce of energy.

I was wrong.

Parenthood begins when your preschooler announces to the world that "you are no fun" and you retort "I'm not supposed to be fun, I'm your mom."

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Failing at Life... Or Just Parts of It

Debbie Downer here today to talk to you about the things in life that I'm currently failing at.

1.  Twitter.  It all depends on your definition of failing here because I do tweet now and again and mostly do it so there is some interest on this blog when I'm not, well, blogging.  However, I tweet to no one and no one tweets to me and I'm pretty sure that's a fail. 

Solution:  I look forward to quitting Twitting in the near future.

2.  Weight Watchers.  I'm down 14.2 pounds (huzzah!) but for some reason just can't seem to get on the wagon this week.  Not even sure how I got off but my money's on jumping into a plate of cookies last week.

Solution:  Every day is a new day; every week is a new week.

3.  Reading.  Not one single book was read in March.  I'm not even sure I read a single edition of the LJS Sunday Paper.  No magazines.  Heck, I'm not even sure I read speed limits or construction warnings.

Solution:  Open eyes while driving.

4.  Brown-Nosing.  I tried to suck up to my boss (actually, I didn't, but it's funnier this way) by making a baseball cookie with his favorite team on it but someone else ate it before he even saw it.

Solution:  Learn my lesson.

Friday, April 1, 2011

April Fool Me Not

There are two kinds of April Fool's Day pranks - the kind I'm okay with and the kind I'm not. 

Okay: harmless pranks like giving someone a message to call Ben Dedd at (insert funeral home number here) or even telling kids it's a snow day when there isn't a speck of snow for miles.  It's funny to fill a pitcher with Jell-O and tell your kids that sure, they can have some Kool-aid.  Tee hee!

Not okay: mean pranks, whether intended to be or not.  Tying shoelaces together on the bus isn't a funny prank. I'm not okay with pranks that single someone out and embarrass or humiliate them and writing it off as an April Fool's Day joke.  It's painful to watch and---

I am embarrassed to admit I was part of one of those pranks today.  Whether my part was small or not (which, it was) doesn't really matter as much as how awful I felt when I could tell how much the recipient was hurt by the actions of myself and others. 

I apologized.  I still feel bad.

Lesson learned I hope.