Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Things Other People Love that I Just Don't Get

1. i-anything
2. Marshmallow-y candies - peeps, circus peanuts. ACK.
3. Shower games - baby or wedding
4. Kenny Chesney
5. Tissues with lotion in them
6. High heels for babies. Don't believe me? Yo.
7. American Idol
8. Lavender-scented cleaning supplies
9. Scented baby wipes, cleaners and dryer sheets
10. The Chicken Dance Song
11. Twitter (I've quit twice... this last "quit" was final)
12. Anything with cream cheese in, on or near it
13. Lady GaGa
14. LOST (Sorry Fred and all of Fred's friends)
15. Karaoke
16. Tanning beds
17. fb Farmville or any other fb game
18. Coffee and pop
19. Driving around to look at Christmas lights
20. Leggings

Inspiration from Princess Nebraska, here.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Pointing Blame

At some point, Cindy gave me this super awesome coin purse that is a replica of a bank bag - but on a much smaller scale. I loved it. I used it. It held my special cards and extra cash.

I was running errands last week and shoved the wallet in my coat pocket. That night, it's gone. GONE, gone. Like nowhere to be found, gone. I consoled myself to sleep with the notion that it simply MUST be in my office, on my desk.

It wasn't.

I called the two places I went - Colby Ridge and the Library. No luck.

Eating dinner with Cindy and Judy a couple of nights later a realization comes over me. My library card was in that wallet. I bet the stinkin' library kept it and are just waiting for me to come in, in person, and announce myself so that they may hand me printed copies of the dumb laws preventing me from seeing what I've checked out! That must be it! Sneaky!

Well crap! After the little run-in I had with the library system (read the post AND comments here) right here in blog-land, the last thing I want to do is face them. (Who me? Spineless?) Those jokers can KEEP my card. I'll just make Fred check out my books. Neener-freaking-neener.

The next day, Elliot's teacher handed me my coin purse.
What the---?

I still don't know how it got there but they handed it to me with a smile and I smiled back thinking Heh, heh, heh, you aren't so smooth after all, Library!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Snapshot: Elliot James

Elliot is every bit a little boy.

From delving in the mud on the first nice day of the year to obliterating any surface in our house with construction equipment and army guys who are constantly at war. He enjoys watching sports, discussing sports and pretend-playing sports. There are wrestling matches upstairs and super hero movies downstairs most every weekend.

Fred beams, proudly. I think Elliot has provided him more joy than he ever thought possible. I smile, watching them interact. Trading chips and fist bumps and chanting 'Go Big Re-ed' all season long.

I also smile because I know that I'm the ouchie-fixer. I am the one to cuddle with at 6am or at the hint of any sickness. I am the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich maker there ever was and if you're helpful, I might just toss a marshmallow on your plate at lunch.

We each have our role, making us a family.
A family that I live for and can't wait to get home to at night.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

How To: March Madness Bracket

Many people await Selection Sunday for the sole purpose of filling out their March Madness Bracket the next day. Love it, hate it, or lie somewhere in between, these basketball brackets are completed all across the country.

How they complete them is another story.

1. Educated. This requires following the NCAA Division I Men's Basketball games for a long period of time - like months, people - and then making an educated decision as to who should overcome who as the playoffs go on. Who has that kind of time?

2. Numbers. Brackets include the team name as well as their standing and some people will choose the team with the better standing. This sounds like a lot of work.

3. Name Aesthetic. My personal favorite, you read the name of each team playing and decide which one sounds better and go with that. For example - Gonzaga was to play Florida State... well, Gonzaga sounds a lot like Gorgonzola that THAT is a fabulous cheese. So, Gonzaga it is!

4. Mascots. This is a simple one. Imagine a cage match between the two teams' mascots - could a terrapin (turtle) beat a cougar? Or could a longhorn beat a demon deacon? This, to me, seems like a lot of research.

5. Naughty Words. This is mostly for the smaller children in that certain words aren't supposed to be used on a regular basis. And as Bart Simpson got away with yelling Hell because it's a place, a co-workers son has Butler going all the way. BUTT-ler. Get it? BUTT. ler.

6. Sounds Like. Used by our little boy, you pick the team based on what you thought Daddy said when he was reading it to you. Thus, the Ohio State Bucket-guys are going all the way. I mean, really, the guys that drive bucket trucks? How could they NOT win?

How do you complete your bracket?

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Circus Is ... Well ... Back

They closed the street on Tuesday and by the afternoon a few trailers had rolled in. Large, metal trailers with the tiniest of windows (I think?) way up at the top.

Those would be the animals. *sigh*

My Wednesday morning walk from my parking lot to our building was littered a little more than normal with cigarette butts, beer cans and half-smoked joints. Many half-smoked joints. Trucks were idling and dark sheets cover every window. Just outside the driver's side door of one truck was a large plastic bottle that was no longer filled with its original contents... if you catch my drift.

Those would be the workers and performers. *sigh*

Today, buses are pulling up left and right dropping off the many small children that will come to see the performance thanks to schools and day cares. Children that will come with ideas of sparkle, neat animals and acrobatics and their parents who are wishing to be anywhere but there.

This would be this circus. *sigh*

I'm not against the actual circus, per say. I like the idea of it... the show. The unicycles, clown cars and acrobats. The lights and loud music and popcorn for all to share. Those crazy aerialists and that lady that changes dresses every time the tent whooshes over her head (really, how do they DO that?)

I'm against the creepy old men dressed as clowns that leer at the small children. I'm against the ringmaster literally dimming the lights and pointing out "the good kids" whose parents bought them an over-priced flashing piece of plastic garbage. I'm against blowing folks out of canons... cool or not it's just not safe to blow anyone out of anything.

Oh - but the animals.

I'm guessing the pig didn't ask to be trained to push around a stroller with a baby pig inside. I highly doubt the elephant likes being manually prodded to put it big ole foot up on a ball. I also think the horses want to do a little more than trot around a concrete performance floor only to get shuffled back away somewhere and then - no doubt - back on the trailer either for the night or for the next few nights of traveling. And no one really thinks the dog wearing a clown hat is hysterical.

But then I think - is the pig pushing a stroller having a better life than the one that gave me sausage with my pancakes?

Truth is, I don't really know.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Grumble Gramble Grrrr

Dear Fruit Thief:

How were your strawberries? Oh, wait - they weren't YOURS. I get that we all share a fridge... but I thought we all sort of just ate our own food. The joke - so obviously - is on me. I'm guessing you thought that 'whoever brought those yummy little berries' wouldn't even notice, right?


You see, when you're a massive Type A like myself there's a good chance you filled up the bag of strawberries for work EXACTLY half full. And were further tickled when you counted 12 of them in there! 12! Yay! So, you can imagine my disappointment when I got out my bag and noticed it was only 1/3 full and I only counted 9 berries.

That said, I am thankful that you only stole 3 of my hormone-injected berries (let's face it - it's winter in Nebraska... those things ain't just-a-growin' wild right now) and not the entire bag.

Further, I'm thankful that I had not yet washed them so you no doubt had a funny taste of dirt, various insecticides, and my own dirty hands in your mouth. I like to call that the taste of guilt.

I hope a seed gets stuck in your teeth.


Friday, March 12, 2010

Funless Friday

Other than a fabulous lunch out with some co-workers, Friday was Funless. I'll even take that a step further and say that Friday was UnFun.

We got the word that our very close friends are moving. Soon... like this summer. To another state. One NOT in a quick drive's distance.

I guess, though, that since they'll be living closer to the ocean than I ever have... that it could be turned around as fun.

A potential vacation site? Fun!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday

My head's in the clouds today.

How is it possible that I have a child - a son - over the age of 3? Who is learning in warp speed, growing like a weed and able to melt your heart in seconds? The daily fascination never ends in watching him change (just 2 days ago he corrected his own verb tense?!) and see the wheels in his head continually clicking. Putting things together. Probably planning my ultimate demise so he can have 'a little snack' for every meal.

I'm ready to move out of our house. I'm ready to live in a home that doesn't have steel siding constantly interfering with radio reception. I should move that to the top of my "our new house must have X" list.

One half of our house will have new carpet when we get home. Weird. Tomorrow, the rest of the house gets finished. Just in time to get new pictures and re-list.

Boys State Basketball is here. Fred is planning to go to the JCC game tonight and last I knew, Cindy and Judy are coming up as well. Asked if I were going - uh, no. Not only should Elliot be asleep before the game even begins, but how can I be supportive of something that I annually mock right here for all of the world to see?

Elaine Morrissey asked, via fb, for someone to go to Frazier's in Tecumseh and buy her some food. I'd like for someone to go to Frazier's and ask for my 2nd pancake that they never brought me when I was dining there over 3 years ago. Do the math, I'll give you a second. Ahhhh yes, I was about 8 months pregnant and IN. LOVE. WITH. PANCAKES. What you did, Frazier's, is despicable. Everyone knows not to deny a pregnant girl the food she loves the most.

Elliot has a love affair with pancakes. Connection?

I'm going to be an Auntie again - Fred's sister is due at the end of September. If you haven't already - congratulate her. And stop asking if she has morning sickness... I have NO DOUBT she's tired of that question. And since I know what you're next question will be - YES, she is finding out if it's a boy, girl, combination of both or something all together different.

Pandora makes my days go by faster.
So does sewing and stuff - but that doesn't get me a paycheck.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Wordy Wednesday

5 of us were talking at some point yesterday about things from the 80s and the youngest in our group couldn't relate to most things: Who is Mork? The first show I saw Robin Williams in was Mrs. Doubtfire. AND - crime of all crimes - NOT knowing Bon Jovi songs!

Here's a look into my morning via an email exchange that really only sucked up 5 minutes of our day. (We are just that efficient when it comes to slacking off.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

1: It is with great sadness that I report that Corey Haim died this morning.

2: In honor of him, we should go home and watch Lucas and Lost Boys.

Me: I wonder if Kiefer will stop drinking long enough to acknowledge one of his Lost Boys is gone. I can't believe "The Corey's" don't exist any longer.

3: Wow, I'm really sad about Corey Haim. What a waste (but not a surprise given the drug habit, I suppose).

Young4: What is this Lost Boys movie about?

** Audible snickering and hands slapping foreheads in disbelief **

3: Vampires, ostensibly. But really it was about Kiefer Sutherland looking hot in a mullet.

1: Jason Patric was hotter, just sayin.

Young4: Really? Mulletted vampires - not attractive.

Me: (Copy and paste picture of Kiefer) Oooh, Young E4 you better get yourself in check. Just TRY and tell me he isn't hot.

2: I'm with E1, Kiefer was hot but Jason Patric WAY hotter!

Young4: You all are crazy. (Copy and paste picture of Robert Pattinson)

Me: GROSS. Isn't he like 14 or something?

3: Srsly, I don't get the whole Twilight thing. Vampires do NOT sparkle. Ask Kiefer.

2: The sun burns them, it doesn't make them sparkly. Duh.

3: Neither do vampires wear lip gloss. Team Kiefer all the way.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Truthful Tuesday

I was going to publicly rat out my sister for telling lies about me when we were younger - lies that my parents always believed over the truth that I was actually telling - but I decided not to.




Oh heck, let's do it anyway.

I was sitting next to my sister in the back of church while at a Confirmation ceremony. I don't even remember what we were doing (probably sticking our fingers under those weird little clip things) but Jen made me start laughing. Which then turned into a bout of giggling that I couldn't stop. My mother glared. Jen smirked and told my mom that I was laughing at the Confirmation name they just announced. It was a total and complete lie, but my mom believed it and I got in trouble for it.

In high school, I had plans to attend the Talent Show with my boyfriend Joe. We got there, sat down and endured the pain that is a high school talent show. I came home afterword to get yelled at by my parents for lying. Jen apparently told them that SHE went to the Talent Show and I was no where to be found. She was either blind or a liar, but again my mom believed her and I got grounded.

When we lived in Wisconsin, my neighbor Ashley and I hung out quite a bit. We also liked to hang out with the boys from the next street over - a street that I was not allowed to hang out on. So, one day, Ashley and I took a walk to the end of our road and sat around talking and watching the frogs jump in and out of the drainage ditch ... boring, really. I no more than get one foot back in the door when I'm instantly grounded for lying about where I was. Jen, in the background, is sticking up for her lies, telling my mom that Ashley and I went to the other street and hung out with those boys.

What I'd like to know, Jen, is WHY?
And Mom, WHY?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Moody Monday

I forgot half of my lunch today.
If it's anonymous, why assign me a number?
I didn't breastfeed and he survived. Back off.
I want our house back on the market soon.
I want to buy a new house.
My wedding ring barely fits anymore.
Their vacation is making a problematic deadline.
Info was due to me Friday; I have one piece.
Great Expectations is the loooongest book ever.
Elliot was spoiled rotten for 2 full days.
He wouldn't sleep last night; he's cranky.
Fred is cranky because he couldn't run.
I'm just cranky because it's fun.
Daycare is NOT rotting my child's brain, thank you.
I have a quilt due in 4 weeks... it's barely started.
The gals in this office sure can stink up a bathroom.
I had to grocery shop at Wal-Mart (shudders).
Wal-Mart's fruit was super nasty. Super. Nasty.
My favorite radio station was just static.
These boots are making my ankle hurt.

Scratch all that - I just found frozen Thin Mints in the freezer.
Whoopee! The day is saved!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Walgreen's is my Cheer's

You know when you go somewhere so often that you're sort of a "regular" around there? That's how pretty much all downtown-workers feel about Walgreen's; we are the Norm and the Cliff and it is Cheer's.

And, when you're a regular you know the flow of the place - how it works. You know that there are always two cashiers at Walgreen's but you only form one line that feeds to both of them. (Remember taking turns in Kindergarten?) It's just how it works. Smooth, efficient and fair. The suits respect the heels and vice-versa.

I'm going to assume, young man, that because you were walking around with your backpack, shredded jeans, greasy hair and acne-filled face that you're not employed downtown. I'm going to go waaaaay out on a limb here and say you're with the Girl's State Basketball crowds. (It's about the same as my feelings on those f'ing roller skating folks.)

In which case, you don't KNOW the unwritten law that is 'waiting in line at Walgreen's' so when you saw 6 of us lined up you decided Hey! I know! I'll just go right up to this counter behind this lady! What are all these ridiculous fools doing waiting in one long line?

(Using my snotty voice) Well, aren't you smart.

You see, what you just did was create mayhem. Now, the other not-from-around-here's have followed suit, leaving those of us with manners to wait EVEN longer. AND you've clogged up the front of the store... likely the reason the single-line approach has always worked so well.

So please, take your score of Skittles, Nerds and Mountain Dew and move on. Us employed folks have important purchases like magazines, Easter candy and lip gloss to buy.