Things That Make Me Laugh: Toy Recalls

The latest round of toy recalls has me in a fit of giggles.

I’m all about safety, but at what point have we taken it too far? At the rate we’re going, it’ll be required to send children outside in layers of sun block, protective clothing and head-to-toe bubble wrap all while in a 5-point safety harness of some kind, lest the wind should blow up again and potentially knock you over.

Anyone else climb out of the back of a station wagon after hopping the seat and run around all day barefoot* and in the sun while playing kick the can?

That’s how I learned to NOT step on bees. It’s how I learned to NOT leave your Cabbage Patch Doll out in the sun (hint: her head caves in). That’s also how I learned to NEVER play flashlight tag in a backyard you’re unfamiliar with (I may or may not have run into someone’s clothesline)(with my right eye)(and failed at pretending it didn’t happen). And why you should ALWAYS wear shoes while riding a bike.

We lived and we learned.

If you didn’t get hurt – you weren’t playing hard enough.

But now... the sun could burn them. Dirt is for nothing more than carrying germs and gross-ness. They rarely leave the house without shoes. That wood hammer could crush their skull. That hinge could close and pinch their wee finger. If they gnawed all of the printing off of 483 blocks, they could possibly maybe get a teensy bit of lead in their system!

My brothers made a skateboard ramp from plywood and 2x4s and it kicked ass. It also kicked our asses numerous times but that didn’t stop me from riding my bike over it. We had guns that were made for the sole purpose of shooting rubber bands.

Rubber bands! My sister got shot in the eye with one** and before that I was persuaded to shove one up my nose.** Oh the horror. I fell out of a tree** and knocked the wind out of myself. My mom was yelled for and responded with “pick yourself up, Anna, you’re fine.”

But she was tough. My mom is from the “walked both ways uphill in the snow with one boot and a dress on” generation and has a gnarly scar on her knee from playing on a heavy duty piece of farm equipment with about 387 circular, and sharp, blades on it. No doctor visit, no stitches, just a “you’ll be fine” and she was sent on her way.

And guess what... she IS fine.

And all four of her children are fine.

And when Elliot falls?

Oh don't listen to him, he's JUST FINE.

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*If I was wearing shoes, it was to show off my new clear, glitter jellies.

**All the more reasons to not provide a sibling for Elliot.