How to NOT Sell a Truck

Did some recent truck shopping and along the way learned some tricks of the trade that the dealers should really avoid when you're working with relatively smart buyers.

1. Small talk is just that - small talk. Don't try to sell me a truck noting how well my son's car seat would fit in it. We've done our research.

2. Don't keep me waiting - I am not the type that is going to say oh gee, I spent this much time here I guess I should just buy that truck from him even if he is a total tool. Not gonna happen.

3. Quit asking me questions and show me the truck. I just want to test drive it. And, trust me, I wouldn't be asking to test drive THAT truck if I didn't already know everything about it.

4. Don't bother asking what I want my payments to be - I'm not new in town. I know you can mess with amortization (busted... yes, Fred taught me that big word) to get my price point where I need it but I'll be damned if I'm paying any more for it than I need to in the long run.

5. When I tell you what rate I know I can get, don't laugh and say well, you'd have to have A-1 credit to get anything close to that here. Well, duh. How do you think I qualified for it at the bank? Think I duped them by hacking into the 3 major credit bureaus and raised my scores by 300 points while I laughed maniacally in the corner? I WISH. Do you think I'd be working an 8-5 if I could do that?

6. Don't tell me you're going to get me a great deal and assault my intelligence by starting out asking more for the truck that what is listed. I think maybe that should've been rule number 1.

(Side note: Turns out Jer-Bear was just a total idiot and was trying to sell us a COMPLETELY different truck.) Which leads me to this doozy:

7. Please refrain from telling me that your customers like to call you Jer-Bear. Really. Don't do that. It makes you look like more of a tool than you already are, Jerry.

8. Trying to shortchange me on the trade-in is an insult. I know more about that car than your CARFAX can tell you and I know its worth more than your laughable offer.

9. When we counter your offer (mind you, you are asking us to pay full listed price and taking next to nothing for our trade) don't come back with fancy graphs and charts telling me why YOU are giving ME such a good deal and for those reasons, you will not budge. I, too, know how to use Excel proficiently.

This will cause my husband to literally throw your keys down, yell that its a total screw job and demand his keys. Oooh almost forgot -

10. After you test drive our car, give the keys back. You hanging on them and forcing me to spend MORE time in your dealership is only making me angry.

11. When you tell me you are going to have a manager come talk to us - do that. Don't just come back sneering hand my husband his keys and say good luck at the other place and let me know what they give for your car.

Cause, Jer-Bear (I can call you that, right?), we did just that. They met our price on a BRAND NEW one, never hassled us once, took twice your offer for our car (yes, they can read CARFAX too). But you know what else they did? They filled up the tank and every. single. person. we talked to said "Thank you" and meant it.

Husker Auto - you should really give it a try.
Sid Dillon - I heart you.

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Added Note: To Husker Auto - Don't ever tell your potential buyer that $200 in fees goes directly to the University for using 'Husker' in your name. I can't understand why, for any reason, I am responsible for paying YOUR bill to the University.