Thursday, May 27, 2010

I'm Fearlessly Afraid of Everything

Socially acceptable things to be scared of: black widow spiders, heights, cannibals, rabid raccoons and for a lot of the population, clowns (thank you, Stephen King) and ghosts.

Things I am scared of: most of the above, moths, library detectors, railroad crossings, garbage disposals and automatic car washes.

I wish I had some rad story about being on top of a building with a cannibal and surround by moths and then fell off and landed in a car wash with a railroad crossing going through the middle of it. But I don’t. I don’t really know why I have these fears.

Back in the early days of FnA (Fred and Anna, but sounds cooler when pronounced Effin A!), I once freaked out and made Fred pull over so I could get out of the car and run around frantically while he shooed out a moth. A moth! Not a rattlesnake or a nest of angry wasps – a moth. They’re such a dumb creature. At least rattlesnakes and wasps have a point (which is to kill you) whereas moths just fly around like dummies running into each other and anything around them all in a frantic effort to continually fly into and around a light source. ICK.

This last Friday we hosted a going away party for those people that are leaving us in this gloriously hot, flat, cow and corn filled state for a horribly tropic, non-blizzarding and sunny state that happens to be at the ocean’s edge ...

wait, what was I talking about?

Yes, the party. Mary Kate was the lucky one to witness my fear of the garbage disposal when all she asked me to do was flip the switch and I shrieked like a little girl. At home, I’ll do it, it’s just that I’ll have my eyes closed and be standing as far away from the switch as humanly possible. What am I afraid of? A spoon or something might come out and attack me. No, seriously. Stop laughing. It’s true.

I think half of my excitement on getting a nook was so that I wouldn’t have to freak out every time I enter and leave the library, thinking the alarms are going to go off.

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