Next Saturday will be our 6 Year Anniversary.
Over this next week, I'll be discussing how Fred and Anna (or FnA - read it fast... I'll wait... Yeah, it's F'ing A!) have managed to have such a sunshine, rainbows and glittery unicorns marriage. Such a strong marriage. And everyone knows that the strongest marriages are built with ways to get out.
Rules of Marriage: The Celebrity Out
The rule here is simple. In the event that your chosen celebrity shows up at your doorstep and asks you to run away with them, you get to. No strings attached. You pick your own celebrity and then wait. Patiently. Oh - and when that person isn't cool anymore or a prettier one comes along, you just get to change.
Fred's current celebrity: Scarlett Johannson
Anna's current celebrity: Jason Bourne
Now, I know that Jason Bourne isn't a celebrity and that he's just a character from those kick-ass movies. But I don't want Matt Damon, or Will Hunting, just Jason Bourne. And since we make the rules, we get to bend them to suit our needs.
I imagine it going something like this:
A: Helllllllo?! (OMG IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?)
JB: Hi, Anna! I'm Jason Bourne and I'd like you to run away with me.
JB: You're so nice and lovely and I just want to be with you!
A: Shut up, you're ruining it for me.
JB: Do you need to tell Fred?
A: (Disgusted sigh) I guess. Hey F? Jason Bourne's here.
F: WHAT? I can't hear you since Elliot's yelling in my ear!
A: I SAID Jason Bourne is here, so I'm out!
F: OH! Whatever. Your body, your choice*.
A: He's wearing a Sears sweater, so he's good people.
F: Grandma Judy will be proud!
A: Done. Now, Jason Bourne, let's ride off into the sunset.
A: Hello? Oh hi, Scarlett Johannson, what are you doing here?
SJ: I'm here to get Fred and run off with him.
A: Oh, you are are you?
SJ: Um... yeah... he told me it wouldn't be a problem.
A: Yeah, only if HE answers the door.
A: Guess he forgot who really runs the show around here.
A: You gonna say something or just stand there looking pretty?
SJ: Well, did YOU want to run away with me?
A: Woman, please, I know Jason Bourne is coming so get off my porch.
F: HEY - Who's at the door?
A: NO ONE!
SJ: Fred! Darling! Schnookums! It's me, Scarlett Johannson!
F: Anna, quit screwing around.
A: (Smirk) Ha. Now leave.
- - -
F:Good joke. Or was that actually Scarlett Johannson?
A: Of course not, dear! Don't be silly. But the next time you talk to her, tell her to give me back my damn shirt.
*Fred really does say that to me whenever I ask him anything.
**My Microsoft Paint skills are awesome!