Well, unless there's a bug somewhere near me.
Or, like, the plants need watered and it's a hunnerd degrees.
Or when sumptin' needs fixin' on the car.
The tires on my car have been looking a little sad lately and we've known that they'll need replaced before winter. Thankfully - or not - winter seems to be coming a little later than usual as it's November and still above freezing. So when Fred took my car in for an oil change last week, the guys at Wal-Mart actually did their jobs and measured the tread.
And made Fred sign a waiver. A WAIVER!
This waiver stated that he knows he is sentencing the driver (his wife) to a death drive (get it? like a death march only using a car instead of - ohnevermind.) but doesn't feel like fixing it right now. This way, you see, when I kick it and take 17 of the closest drivers down with me when my front passenger side tire explodes, Wal-Mart will not be held responsible.
Phew. For them.
I thought it was just us... just the lazy ole' Seckmans but after a quick chat this morning I discovered that it seems to be a trait that runs rampant alongside the "husband" gene. For this next story, we shall call her "Kristy" and him "Dahve" to protect their innocence as all characters in my stories are completely (read: not at all) fictationalismed-ized.
Kristy is driving a hand-me-down car from Dahve and he informs her, after months of driving it, that she needs to check the tire periodically as it has a slow leak. Kristy takes it in and they lecture her for driving on a tire with next to no pressure and they were surprised it hadn't blown yet and now that slow leak would need repaired! And Dahve has the audacity to blame her for not checking it, as though she knew it had a leak.
All of this makes me wonder a few things:
1. Do they realize we drive with our lead foot on the highways and interstates and that we could blow a tire at any minute? (BTW, if any coppers are reading this, I'm only kidding and always go 1 mph under the limit.)(Anyone else, not really, I go like 9 over.)
2. Have they recently upped our life insurance policies and are trying to set up an accident? (Co-workers, feel free to chime in here if you know anything.)
Or... 3. Are they just trying to support our independence?
If so, quit it, cause that was soooo 1960's. We're back to needing you for everything and we wear our bras instead of burning them. Except the things we want you to butt out of. You'll figure it out. Because I'll let you know when you're wrong.
I am, after all, an independent woman.