Thursday, November 4, 2010


I've been listening to the new Ben Folds cd all week and there's one line in one song that makes me laugh every single time I hear it: Some guy on the 'net thinks I suck, and he should know - he's got his own blog! (Ben Folds, Lonely Avenue "A Working Day")

I have to laugh because I have read some of those bloggers and while I don't entertain the thought that I am one of them, I did decide to come up with a list of things that I think suck.

Here's hoping the library doesn't come after me again.
Why? 'Cause they're still on my list.

Waffles. Who are you trying to kid? You're just a crusty pancake with butter traps and I just hate when I have to stick my knife in there to dig it out.

Geography, as it relates to family. I think it sucks that we have a lot of family and friends living all over our fine country. (Hi Cleveland! Hi South Carolina! Hi Chicago! Hi Georgia! Hi New Mexico! Hi Colorado! Hi Arizona! Hi Florida! Hi Ohio!)

Growing. Hold your horses, I'm not going to complain about being fat. Again. I am, instead, STILL complaining about how my feet grew an entire size while I was pregnant. I'm all for body changes and what not - but really? I had to replace my entire shoe collection.

Politics. Just coming off an election, I am growing to really hate politics. It seems like races aren't even about the candidates and what they stand for any more.

The Chiller. I wish I knew what this actually meant... The vents in our office are blowing out arctic cold air and we were told it's because they haven't "drained the chillers yet" - whaaaa? I've lived in colder climates for most of my 32 years on this planet and this is the first time I've heard of chillers (?) needing drained (?).

The Library. I'm sorry, but you're still on my list for not letting me see what I've read. I do, though, have to give you major kudos (read: hugs and kisses) for getting the eBooks up and going... hello free books for my nook!

Flying. I realize it's that age-old story of one guy ruining it for everyone but come on. Flying is become such a huge and sucky inconvenience that I'm considering driving out to Ohio this summer for a friend's wedding. From paying for the flight and paying more for having a bag to scans and pats and sourpuss workers shuffling us onto planes full of stale air - I'm kind of over you.

Family: Part I. It sucks when members of your family leave too soon and you don't get to know them very well. I haven't had any grandparents for over 10 years and before that I only had one set since I was about 8. I hardly remember them. (But I suppose the silver lining here is that the memories I do have are fun, funny and all mine.) And as much as I would love to believe it won't happen, Elliot won't have very many memories of Great Grandpa Chuck.

Family: Part II. This is for the family member(s) who suck, themselves, so much that you don't want to really be associated with them. I think we've all got those though, don't we?

Mornings. I am not a morning person by nature but it makes it significantly harder when I'm curled up and warm and KNOW that it's freezing outside of my cocoon. Fast forward 15 minutes and it sucks to have to get out of the steaming hot shower knowing it's freezing outside of my fiberglass cocoon. And, I suppose, compounding this is knowing that those darned chillers are still on at work!

Bodily Functions. Specifically, I'm talking to the jackass that pooped on the floor in our office and then built a toilet paper wall around it. What is wrong with you? Now unless I want to go while staring at your fortress of poop-itude, there is only one stall for all 15 or so of us to use.

I'm sure I left some things out that are major league suckers (speaking of major league, it is sucky that the Cubs didn't hire Ryne Sandberg as manager) ... so feel free to add something in the comments!

Maybe... just maybe... the person with the best "I think XYZ sucks because" story will win a prize!!


Amanda Prokasky said...

Before I participate in your ode to suckitude, I want to know what this "prize" will be. Are we talking a $50 gift certificate to a nice restaurant, say, McDonalds, or something lame like "the prize of being my friend" ?

Brenda Weyers said...

While there a great many things that suck, the first thing that came to mind was BANANAS. Everything about them is sucky - their taste, their smell, their texture. We should all call them assfruit from now on...

n8rlvr said...

Pat-downs at the airport can actually be kinda fun. Start saying things like, "Don't touch me there, touch me there!" and "Ooh baby, I hope you call me in the morning."

I like to bring my vibrator with me to the airport just to embarrass the screeners. That is seriously entertaining.

Cindy said...

Neighbors who put up Christmas decorations on Halloween really suck! Not only are they up, but they are on! And every day they add a new item to the current collection. Today's addition is a 20ft blowup Santa! I love Christmas decorations and I appreciate not having to put them up in the cold. But DO NOT TURN THEM ON BEFORE THANKSGIVING!

Tina said...

Ok... most of the time I'm pretty laid back, but...

when cars turn left on N 48th (Uni). Now normally this does not bother me, except when they want to turn on a specific street (i.e., they could pass 2 streets to turn left on with no traffic, but wait until they get to the street with the light - st paul). Maybe they don't know this but people: ALL THE STREETS CONNECT IN UNI - you can turn early if there is an opportunity and go around the block, you don't HAVE to turn at the light.

The only other thing that makes me a road rager is when a car will cut me off and go slower than me even though there are no other cars for miles behind me.

Kaitlyn said...

Having a mole on your nether regions that looks suspicious. Really, I have to drop my pants to a dermatologist?