That personal introspection led me to this: I don't want to think that everything anyone says is a personal attack on me.
Guess what? I don't have to.
I don't have to get all worked up when someone that doesn't know me scoffs at the idea of formula, saying "Of course I'm breastfeeding, do you think I want my baby to die?" I don't need to feel like I am a disgusting 400 pounds if Fred mentions hearing about a gym class somewhere and thinks I would enjoy it. Canceling lunch with me to go with someone else doesn't have to mean that you never wanted to have lunch with me anyway and that you were thankful that something better came along. I can stop trying to figure out what I did (this time) to make you hate me (again) and accept that the friendship is gone. And, just because you're scaling back on your digital presence, craving (and giving yourself) more of the here and now friendships doesn't mean you don't want people not living near you in your life.
The strangest part of all of this? I know it's not personally directed at me but somewhere between your words and my ears, my heart gets there before my logic does and screws it all up.
So.
I am putting myself in a 3-second time out. I am permitting myself a solid 3 seconds of thought before I decide how I should hear your words. And, with any luck, they'll be a little more like the bluebirds you intended and a lot less like the machine gun shots I imagine.
It is - after all - my body, my choice.
4 comments:
It is hard not to take things personally sometimes ~ that just shows you care.
I like your 3 second time-out idea. I may just need to implement that in my life. It takes effort not to come out with guns blazing. RAWR!
I loved the last paragraph of this. LOVED IT.
my two favorite lines:
somewhere between your words and my ears, my heart gets there before my logic does
AND
with any luck, they'll be a little more like the bluebirds you intended and a lot less like the machine gun shots I imagine
Anyway, I like you a lot. And I miss all our e-mail threads. Sorry if it is my digital breather you are referring to...or I could just be taking that personally, too :)
I think I require closer to a 20 minute time out!! With my over reacting and paranoia combined...
Love this post. It's so important to learn to not take this personally! Most things aren't personal and by not taking them that way, you end up calmer, saner, and happier. It's a hard thing to do though, one I struggle with each day.
Post a Comment