First, I'd like to thank Matthew P. Damon's mom and Matthew P. Damon's dad for hooking up and making a darling little guy. Then I'd like to thank Matthew P. Damon and thank him for being so adorable and kick-ass and funny and for giving me enough substance to scratch and claw my way to the top of the Google Search.
Next, I'd like to thank Aunt Becky for having the great epiphany that ultimately led me to pranking the internet by making myself the important reporter of all things Matthew P. Damon. In fact, just the sheer amount of mentions (and links back to) her blog comments, she has become #3 in the world of Matthew P. Damon Google Searches WITHOUT EVEN TRYING. If that doesn't get a hearty "Hells Yes" then I don't know what is!
I'm a helper, yo.
Just like Matthew P. Damon and his quest to help Africa. And just like how Matthew P. Damon and Benjamin G. Affleck helped each other shoot to super-stardom in Good Will Hunting. I especially like how Matthew P. Damon helped the world see Sarah Palin for what she could've been: The Hockey Mom President.
Matthew P. Damon is a helper, indeed.
Now, Matthew P. Damon, now that I have single-handedly (with the assistance of the FINE Aunt Becky) have rocketed your full name into search stardom, wanna meet up? Yeah, I thought so. I'll be waiting, Matthew P. Damon.