Friday, September 17, 2010

I (And 5 Million Other People) Hate Dentists

I don't have a good history with dentists. (Who does?)

In high school, I was getting multiple cavities filled each and every time that I was at the dentist office and each and every time I would tell my mom that I didn't know why I was getting so many. One more visit and 6 more cavities (no, I'm not kidding you) - my mom finally asked him what he thought was causing it.

His response? Pop and candy.

That was when my mom lost it, informing him that I don't even drink pop and really didn't eat candy either. She took me somewhere else for a second opinion. Any guesses?

No cavities.

When I moved back here, I started seeing a dentist that I liked but the drive was ridiculous so I went to one close to my apartment. Turns out I had a big cavity in one of my teeth - bummer. So I went in to get it fixed and during the procedure the dentist cracks my tooth and a chunk of it goes down my throat. I, of course, start gagging.

His response? Stop gagging. Your gagging caused me to break your tooth and now you'll need a crown for that tooth. You shouldn't get so upset about this, I saw the piece of tooth and wouldn't have left it in there forever.

(Has this guy ever even heard of a gag reflex?!)

I moved on to a chick dentist to do the crown work that he created. First visit and she found a total of something like 13 areas that needed fixed. WTF? Good joke! Oh, you're not kidding? What? Fine, you can do one or two at a time. Ugh. Wait, what now? You want me to replace a crown I got not that long ago?

Um, second opinion.

I go back to the first dentist that did the crown and he did all new x-rays showing that there was nothing wrong with the crown or any other of my teeth for that matter. DAMNIT!!

I call the girl and tell them to cancel any future appointments because I'll not be returning. My dentist sent her his x-rays and a scathing letter about me not needing any additional work.

Funny, she's not in business anymore.

And just when this story couldn't get more ridiculous...

It was time for my cleaning and I googled up my dentist to get his office's phone number. Why, what do you think I found on that first page? He got in trouble by prescribing pain pills to himself via his assistants for his pill addiction! And he's an alcoholic! He got a hand slap essentially but what I was ONLY THEN able to put together is that it's likely the reason he changed his practice's name.


So yeah. I had a dentist appointment this morning with Fred's dentist who, at this point, I really like. He gives me the frowny face and tells me about old silver fillings and how they're only meant to last 12 - 15 years. A majority of mine are between 14 and 20 years old and one of them is cracked and leaking and now he has to reconstruct part of my tooth.


Further, he says, I can expect the next few years to involve having to change most of them out because of their age. Yay.

I get out of there and talk to Fred, telling him that IF insurance covers it, it'll still be about 300 bones to get this fixed. Here's our exchange:

F: That sucks about your teeth. That’s not a bill I’m really looking forward too.

A: Yeah. My thoughts too. And that price assumes insurance covers 50%.

F: Wow Wow. We better start listing our new house now! I think we should have had all your teeth pulled and just gone with dentures.

A: Yes, lets. Let’s buy a house that’s under 100k so that I can quit my job and just wallow in my tooth self-pity!

F: Well you’ll need to stay home because it will take you all day to gum your food enough to swallow it.

Good one, Fred.


n8rlvr said...

There is a reason that the sound a dentist drill makes grates on your nerves so much. The drill is the instrument of The Devil ~ a.k.a The dentist.

I think it would be great if dentists incorporated humor into their routine. I think it would be somewhat less than pure torture if they made jokes. "You want the tooth? You can't handle the tooth!"

Tina said...

Is Dr. James Ganser on your "bad" list? He used to be a good, HONEST dentist.. we changed insurance so will be in the market soon.

Anna said...

Oh no, no, no - Dr. James Ganser (that was funny Tina) is not on that list.