Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Time

It's been well over a month since my last post and a friend recently said to me "I miss the Cyber Seckmans."

Me too, friend.  Me too.

Truth is, this last month has been pretty hard for me, on me, for my family and on my family.  If I'm completely honest, this last entire year has been tough because I acknowledged the spiral back in January and I don't think I'm entirely out of it yet.  I thought I was turning around and quickly proclaimed 2011 as "The Year of Re-Constructing Anna," vowing to get back to the old me and be who I deserve to be.  Who I want to be for both, myself and those around me.

So far?  Nothing. 

More therapy, different doctor, different meds and still I am filled with indifference, loneliness, sadness and anger. A general sense of hopelessness and a constant yearning to be the old me while firmly stuck inside the current me.  My mind is a muddied mess.

I don't doubt that I'll come out of this okay.  At some point I will find a regimen that works for me and will be able to get back on the path of re-construction. 

I just need a little more time.

5 comments:

S said...

While I've only recently started following you and don't know the full gammet of what you're going through, I wish you the best and hope that things calm down for you and your family.

As for 2011, well, it hasn't been roses for us either, so don't feel alone in that. :)

Jen Craun said...

the relentlessness of time. always passing us up, and our goals. keep on keeping on, and you'll get there in time...

Laura said...

Wish I could give you a hug! Hang in there - things will turn around - I've visited some very dark places myself.

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