Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Sizing Up Myself

First, let me explain this picture... We were at Grandma Judy's house and she was giving suggestions on what she could whip up to eat. She suggested taco salad. My face suggested NO.

This picture was taken right at 2 years ago. Two years ago after I had worked very hard for nearly a year to lose 45 pounds through Weight Watchers. Yes, 45. I was happy and proud but still feeling like I had more work to do.

Which is funny, because right now - I'd love to look like that again.

The next month was awful. After a series of ER's, Urgent Cares, Doctor Visits and Consultations spanning 4 days time, I ended up with an emergency surgery to get my failed gall bladder out of my body. (Don't remember? Look here, here, and here.) What ensued was - and still is - chaos.

So here we are, 23 months after that awful surgery and I am a wreck.

I've gained back the 45 and then some. And, yay, it's almost all settled in my stomach and I constantly look quite pregnant if I'm not sucking in. Which I do. Because I'm not pregnant.

It's quite common for Reese's Peanut butter products make me toot without abandon; I truly wish those weren't my absolutely favorite things in the world.

You see, the gall bladder actually plays a pretty big role in the world that is your body's system of organs. It's what eats up the fat and it's also what produces the bile that helps create the good kind of fat. Now I just toot out Reese's and gain ugly fat on my stomach.

But I'd be lying if I told you it were all the gall bladder's fault.

It's mine too. I revolted. How dare you, body, fail on me like this after all of the work I put into you! I ate well and I lost a ton of weight. I felt great. And then this. And, for nothing to actually be "wrong" but to have had you seize up on me and not stop - I felt like a total failure. My body let me down.

So what to do? Well, body, payback is a bitch.

Only problem is that I am my body.
So I've just issued 2 years of payback on myself.
Smart move, Seckman.

Problem is that I tried WW again. And after 4 months, gained 4 pounds. Truly, my body is digesting everything considerably different than the first time around. So what's a girl to do? A girl that pukes up vegetables and can't stand being sweaty?

I dunno. Pass me that brownie.

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