Misery Loves Company

Upon the copier/printer getting fixed (yes, it took 6 hours), a co-worker responded to me with this:

OH JOY! Now if someone could come out here and fix my computer! It doesn't want to "SAVE AS" any new documents I create. It's been a joyous day of computer battles. Literally, man against machine...well, WOman against machine. Dipstick. Curse Word. Another Curse Word. Yuck.Yuck.Yuck. Poo!

Amy - my sentiments exactly. Isn't it 5:00 yet???

Cute Enough to be Crabby

That was the saying on a shirt from Grandma Cindy from the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. I need to call them and see if they make that shirt in big girl sizes.

You're not going to get a post from me today since I'm Captain Crabbypants. I won't subject you to my whining and yelling and screaming and pounding of the keys of my poor keyboard. It's not very fair to you.

You don't really care if I'm not having a great day. Nor do you care that Wendi - my coworker and partner in crime - is gone to not be able to help me out. (In fact, part of me is blaming her for my misfortunes.) Everything at work is falling apart - the copier is broken, my dumb accounting software is locking up and the Shared Drive has gone completely missing a few times. I have a headache. Elliot is trying to potty train himself. I am addicted to Facebook.

But I won't bore you with details. And, much to my shock, the three donuts I just gobbled up aren't helping.

I'm just hoping that I'm cute enough to be crabby for a day.

Blackmailing Forgiveness

I have offered to forgive Jen for her many, many wrongdoings if she sends two bee prints my way. I wonder how bad she wants my "eh, forgetaboutit."

The Apology (about 8,463 days late)

My sister is a terrible person. Just terrible. Combine that with me being terribly gullible at a young age and what do you get?

A sister that solidly and unwaveringly believes EVERY WORD out of the older sister's mouth.

She stayed home from school to watch MTV. Mom got her out of school to watch the soaps. People on the 3rd block always had parties. She had a secret clubhouse; she had a secret club that met there. The doozy of them all? We ALL share air with ONE other person. You die, she dies - she dies, you die. (I think you get the point.)

Needless to say, I embraced this and to this day have an anxiety attack if someone gets too close to my air supply. I know, I know - we don't share air (do we?) and she won't die if I have to hold my breath (will she?). The damage has been done.

Today I got the following email from my sister:

i am terribly sorry for the irreversible damage I have done.
I had no idea I was wielding such power then.
I would have NEVER made up all that horrible stuff...
especially about the tragic girl in africa that needed to share your air.

It is just awful.
Jen Craun

Should I believe her? Likely not. It's probably her idea of a joke. Next she'll tell me that she only apologized because she heard my little girl in Africa died (she didn't did she??).

Hey, Hey, Whattaya Say?

American Airlines is cutting us a check today!

A big thank you to Jim for even suggesting we follow up with AA on the missing items.

Elliot James: The Stats

The Big El turned 18 months officially yesterday and had his dr. appointment this morning. Here are his stats:

Head is in the 75th percentile (48.7 cm)
Weight is in the 61st percentile (26# 8.5oz)
Height is nearly the 25th percentile (32.5 in)

Basically, he's still a tank with a bobble head.

Name of The Day

When someone bugs you today, call them an Evil Troll. It's just funny enough to make you forget why they're being so annoying. Go on, give it a whirl.

Even I Know That...

I am, by far, not the fashion template Stacy and Clinton want us all to be. And I'm okay with that.

I was at lunch yesterday with some co-workers and we happened upon a gal that was dressed questionably. It was enough to make me almost lose my appetite. It was enough that all girls in the area looked, stared at their friends with big eyes and giggled like 7th graders. It was enough that every guy there was in a coma.

What was so bad? Well, she was wearing white shorts.

But not just any white shorts. On the positive side they were to her knees. On the negative side? They fit her tighter than her own skin. They were so thin you could see freckles. SO THIN that you saw a perfect outline of her delightful wedge-tastic undies. YECH. The best example I can find is here (only in white). One gal at my table was JUST SURE she spotted a tattoo. I just hoped she wasn't going to rip a juicy fart.

Normally when I see someone rocking something I wouldn't dare I say "well, at least she has the confidence to wear it." Not in this case.

I think we decided that she's one of two things: Dumb enough to think they look good or dumb enough to don't realize they look terrible. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but even I know that is one terrible fashion choice.

Stupid Sk8rs

Ugh, the la-dee-dah Championships have only just begun.

I was crossing the street this morning on my way to work when a mother scolded her children for trying to cross as well. She looked at me and said to her children "Just because she's setting a bad example doesn't mean you go. Wait for the walk sign."

I turned, gave her a dirty look and smiled in the snottiest way I could. Then fumed about her as I finished crossing thinking that she's lucky I even waited as long as I did. You work down here and you just get to know the streets, traffic and signals and know when you can "break the law" and step out into the street. Tell me I'm setting a bad example. What kind of example is over dressing your child in spandex and sequins and rubbing way too much of granny's lipstick on their cheeks? Bad example. I'll show you bad examples - they're down on 13th and F Streets and they look awfully similar to the way you're dressing your child! Tell me I'm setting a bad example. Lady, you haven't seen bad example. Playing human Frogger through O Street is a bad example. Stepping off the curb 3 seconds before the little white walker light blinks on is hardly a "bad" example. Get over yourself already.

And, yes, this blog will be a good solid smack in the face when I'm yelling at Elliot to wait until he sees the walk sign before running into traffic. What is he, nuts? Does he want to get run over?

Where Meat Comes From

Some background first... the Morrissey kids live in Missouri and are comprised of Ethan, age 5 and Alaina, age 3. Their parents are Bill and Lisa - Fred's uncle and aunt.

The other night at dinner they were talking about something that I can only wait to hear discussed at my dinner table. Enjoy.

Ethan: (chewing thoughtfully on a bite of chicken): Mom, is this pig?
Lisa: No, it's chicken.
Ethan: Chicken means meat from a chicken.
Lisa: Yup.
Ethan: Mom, we could get our own meat if we went out and shot birds and stuff.
Lisa: That's true.
Ethan: Where's our guns?
Lisa: We don't have any guns.
Ethan: We need some weapons!
Alaina: (standing on her chair stabbing the air) We just got swords and knives.

Pause...as Bill & I stare at each other suppressing laughter

Ethan: I know! We could just sneak up on the ones that hold still and get them with the swords.
Alaina: Yeah, and we would hit them and eat them.
Ethan: Mom, I think the deer meat will taste good.
Alaina: Yeah, yummy deer meat!

Elliot, Meet Your New Sitter

I finally did it. I was home alone with Elliot, he decided 6:00 a.m. was a FINE time to get up. I fed him a cereal bar, gave him juice but it wasn't enough. Somehow I had to shower. So I did it.

I turned on the TV and introduced Elliot to his morning babysitter.

It's not like he's never watched TV, I just haven't ever used it this way before. But, dangit if it didn't work like a charm. When I got out of the shower he was swaying his body along with whatever song the Backyardigan's were singing.

See, it's not so bad after all - I could have left him watching SportsCenter and that would've been worse.

Paper, Rock, Scissors

Fred has many funny quips that I hear on a daily basis. Some are funnier than others.

I made an appointment today with a Dr. Rock. Fred's response: That's a funny name. If I was him I'd find a Dr. Paper and a Dr. Scissors and start a practice together.

Updates

1. De-Binky-ing is going well. Friday night was rough - he screamed himself into hysterical gagging but finally crashed after an hour and 15 minutes. Saturday was a solid 10 minutes. Today he didn't want to nap so I did not have a good outlook for tonight. But.... not a peep.

2. Fred's grilling is also going well. Not only do we grill out almost every night but Sundays have become 'Smoking Sundays' at the Seckman house. This weekend's entree of choice is a chicken with all-American BBQ rub and corn on the cob from the Farmer's Market. This has been quite a tasty investment.

3. American Airlines is trying to work on this with us on the pilfering incident. I should hear by next Friday for sure but as long as our items aren't found in Chicago (yes, you should be laughing with me at this point) they'll be reimbursing us. I had my choice of cash or vouchers... uh duh... vouchers of course (Kidding!).

To B(inky) or Not To B(inky)

Much to the dismay and open disapproval of many family members, a binky has been plugging Elliot's mouth and blocking his face since he was born. I personally appreciated the binky when he was a lot younger - it was like choosing between binky or getting thrown up on due to MSPI or GERD.

We've gotten him scaled down to only get it at night and at nap time at home. This weekend - it's going for good. From what I have read, we have three options:

1. Cold Turkey. It simply disappears and is never seen again. Somewhat similar to the story of Aunt Billine throwing Kim's binky out of the car on the highway.

2. Small Hole. If you cut a very small part of the tip off it will lose suction and he will eventually be the one to think it's a waste of time since it doesn't "work" right anymore.

3. Binky Fairy. In this version, we talk with Elliot about leaving his binky out for the Binky Fairy who will pick it up tonight and leave him a special gift. Honestly, I'm not all that keen on lying to my child yet but more so - how much of that mess will he really understand?

Decisions, decisions.

Regardless of the option we choose, hopefully by Sunday night there won't be any more unnecessary wake ups at 4:00 a.m. because he is TOO LAZY to look for his binky and instead wants us to get it for him. He might of had to lean over 2 inches to his right to get it for himself. And that might be too strenuous for him to handle.

Updates

1. I updated our cuss fund standings and after reading item 2 you'll see why I'm losing terribly.

2. AA is totally yanking me around but at least now they're calling me back. It has officially been called a case of "pilfer" or "Joe Flier Stole My Stuff" as I like to call it. UPDATE: Spoke with Diane from AA this morning (Friday) and she was very helpful and is leading me to believe that AA will be recuperating the cost of our lost items in the next few weeks. I'm not getting my hopes up until I get a check.

Tsk, Tsk American Airlines

I'm not sure why, but I am a little surprised that no one at the Omaha Airport will call me back regarding our missing items. I've spoken to some very nice people who then refer me on to "management" where I leave a voicemail. And no call is returned. I've done this 3 times now.

It's not like I'm after anything. More than anything I want them to be aware that if it wasn't TSA then someone rummaged through our bag and somewhere out there is a nicely folded stack of our clothes and one of Elliot's sandals. And if, by some freak chance, some other AA customer called about finding a stack of clothes that maybe we could get ours back.

If I were Stephen Colbert, I'd wag my finger at them.

Ingredients for a Good Morning

1/2 cup non-existent poop coming out of child's diaper
0.9ml vitamin ONLY in child's mouth
1 tsp Motrin ONLY in child's mouth
1 pair appropriate shoes worn to work
7 second meltdown when child is left at daycare
2 mini left-over muffins at work

Rollin' Into Town

When I worked downtown a few years ago the single most dreaded time of year was when those danged roller skaters show up. Believe it or not, they're worse than the state wrestling championships and the stupid calliope combined.

The best, easiest and least offensive way to describe them is that this is their ONLY vacation they take all year. Here, to Lincoln Nebraska so they can strut their stuff in sequins and spandex on any number of wheels strapped to their feet. The wheels, of course, being spatted out in a matching sequin mess.

Our prayers were answered when they moved the championships to Florida (insert angelic singing and bright light) because the skaters were tired of coming here. A collective sigh of relief was heard.

Not anymore. They're back. The many-weeks-long Championships don't start until the 20th but they're already here and taking over via skate. Last night I saw a semi labeled "Best Skating Outfitters" parked outside of Pershing.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, Strap on your skates and please roll over my head until I am no longer conscious enough to give a hoot about these folks. PLEASE. And hurry.

Mindless Activity

I've been meaning to do this for a while... I was tagged by Jen. Seemed perfect for a day like today when I'm easing myself back in at work after Elliot crying about me leaving him at school.

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? work
3. Your hair? straight
4. Your mother? judy
5. Your father? chicago
6. Your favorite thing? elliot
7. Your dream last night? weird
8 Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? marathon
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your hobby? quilting
12. Your fear? suffocating
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? family
14. What you’re not? smart
15. Muffins? cranberry
16. One of your wish list items? space
17. Where you grew up? Lincoln
18. The last thing you did? email
19. What are you wearing? black
20. Favorite gadget? stapler
21. Your pets? Sienna
22. Your computer? black
23. Your mood? tired
24. Missing someone? Elliot
25. Your car? parked
26. Something you’re not wearing? necklace
27. Favorite store? clothing
28. Like someone? many
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? thursday


TAG yourself, please.
If you play along leave a comment and link to your list.
Rules: answer questions with only one word, then tag 4 others.

Sleepy Seckmans

We got back from Chicago yesterday afternoon without much problem. Here are some highlights of the trip - good, bad and funny.

- On the way to Chicago, our backpack was broken in baggage but we were able to salvage it enough to make it fully functional.

- The eL being out at O'Hare was a total mess and Fred now knows what it feels like to literally hang your butt out on an interstate (that's how packed the shuttle was).

- Navigating buses, trolleys and trains with 10 people was tough but we managed. We have learned how to quickly break down two strollers in record time though.

- Things we saw/did: Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum, Cubs Game, Wicked, Navy Pier, Chicago Children's Museum, Museum of Science and Industry, Lincoln Park Zoo, dinner at Goose Island (my parents and one brother came down) and many more little things I am forgetting.

- Lost Elliot's baseball hat in one of the bus rushing... It's true I didn't like that hat but everyone thought it was very cute and he'd wear it. Fred bought a replacement from the zoo but he won't keep it on.

- Lost a stack of clothing out of a suitcase on our way home - surely it was just a mix up since one stack is missing. Sadly, ONE of Elliot's super cool sandals is gone.

- Got caught in the rain a couple times and somewhere out there is a picture of a gaggle of Big Birds as we all traipsed home with bright yellow ponchos on.

All in all, it was a nice trip and we've been recovering our sleep. I slept from 4 yesterday until 7:30 this afternoon, Elliot did a 12-hour night and is napping now and Fred is running on 10 hours of sleep last night. Now it's time to unpack, do laundry and fill our bare cupboards.

We didn't take too many pics (the downside of having been so many times?) - but I'll try to get them posted later today. For now I need to get the bus, train and plane stink off of my body.

It's Time for a Vacay...

As most of you know, we're headed out to Chicago tomorrow and won't be back until Saturday. We're going out with a bunch of Fred's family and have rented a house just outside of downtown where we'll all stay together - it's going to be fun.

Outings include a Cubs game, dinner with my parents at Goose Island, celebration of Lainey's birthday and seeing Wicked. Mixed in there will be the typical tourist-ey things too - Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum, Navy Pier, etc.

While this goes on, Sienna is at Camp Morrissey in Tecumseh where her camp counselor Chuck will be keeping her company.

You KNOW I will have stories for you when we return. Until then - wish us luck flying with a very independent 18 month old boy that does NOT want to sit down. Ever.

UPDATE: We just found out that the train stop at O'Hare is under construction and out of use starting hours before we get there until the end of July. I guess our group better learn to navigate the city's bus routes so we can get to and from the airport!!! Cindy and Judy, don't panic - Fred already has bus maps for us.

Overheard Funnies

Fred is changing Elliot's diaper right now and as a distraction he's asking him where his nose is and when he asked where his belly was, this is what I heard:

No, that's something else and we'll talk about that later.

Circus Performer?

Elliot did a forward tumble the other day. Down the stairs.

We were getting ready to leave in the morning and, as usual, I open the gate and grab our bags. Normally, he scoots over to the stairs and begins his decent.

This day was different. He decided to walk right down them - and made it to the first step where he turned around to give dad that "Did you see what I just did?!" look of amazement. Next thing I know, he topples over and face plants the first step and (thankfully) rolls on his side down the next 3 stairs. He manages to stop himself before landing on the wood floor.

Anna's Version of What Happened Next:
I am doing what I normally do - freeze in a state of panic and stare. In my head I kept saying "Ohmygawd he's falling, ohmygawd he's falling, ohmygawd he's falling" but I wasn't going anywhere.

So Fred yells at me something to the effect of "Why did you throw him down the stairs?" to which I responded by crying. Still frozen. Then he said something like "Well, don't just let him cry - pick him up!" Still frozen, I manage to look at Fred and say "Why are you yelling at me?" Fred picked him up and I got myself a drink. Of water, not vodka - we were on our way to work after all.

Now, if you talk to Fred his version might have slight variations (slight, right Grandma Judy?)

At any rate - here's a picture of the aftermath:


Next step was taking him on into daycare where I told Miss Haley what happened. I felt like such an 'After School Special' trying to say he got his black eye from falling down the stairs (isn't that the story?) but it's true, I swear.

Not much remains of the massacre today, thankfully.

(Non) Cuss Update

It's been determined, and funded.

We started with the typical (boring snooze-fest) cuss fund base of no 4-letter pretties should be used anymore at all. Onto that we added "things we wouldn't want him to repeat" that don't get said when he's around.

Example? Driving in the car and I get stuck behind someone that obviously has 2 crock pots of chili in their car and I yell out "Hey loser, why don't you pick up the speed a little ya moron!" While there are no "cuss" words in here, I don't need to hear Elliot yelling at Miss Haley to hurry up with his food and calling her a moron.

In case you're wondering (and I know you are) I'm currently up to $1.25 and Fred is close behind at $0.75.