Dear Dan,

Jen and I want to take a second to apologize to you. Through a few emails today Jen had a flicker of a memory of us squirting mustard in your mouth and wondered why.

I laughed as the memory came flooding back. I believe it to be one of those days when we were home alone (school break of some kind) and we thought it'd be a great idea to play "Taste Tester" with you. I remember you being unsure about it, but agreed to play.

You sat in front of the refrigerator and Jen and I picked out what we wanted you to guess next. Then I pulled out the mustard. I knew you didn't like it. I remember Jen's face as I showed her what was coming. I'd like to believe it was still a fun game at that point and not the sibling mean-ness that rears its head in all families.

You didn't like the mustard. You got so mad, in fact, that you quit and never played that game with us again. Smart move.

So - from Jen and I, we're sorry.

Christmas: Seckman Style

We had our first Christmas celebration last weekend with the Seckmans down in Tecumseh - what a hoot to see Elliot tearing through presents. That instant look of wow - holy crap - is this for me - this is cool - this makes noise - are you seeing this was priceless.

Even better? When he woke up from his nap on Sunday back in Lincoln only to find the presents CAME HOME WITH HIM. Whoa.

His favorite thing was a plastic recorder that he had broken in 2 pieces before 24 hours had even passed. Funny how a two year old sees that as a weapon, who would've guessed?

Tonight Fred created some new ... what to call them ... traditions? for the Seckmans on Christmas Eve: Arby's for dinner and then Anna's Kitchen Haircuts for the boys followed by baths. Check back in '09 - I bet we go all out crazy and include toe nail clipping to the festivities.

A Visit from Nate

Elliot's friend Nate M. (not to be confused with Daddy's friend Nate M.) came for a visit on Saturday. The two boys really play together well, although Elliot is starting to show a few signs of possessiveness, which I think is normal...right? Anyway, here is some of the video of the play time, we got lots of good pictures and video as they really had a blast.

Big News!

Elliot pottied on the potty today!!! Wooo hoo!

I asked him if he wanted to go since I was going - and he said yep. Down went the pants, down went his bottom and out came tinkle. I'm so proud!

It's just nice that he's not terrified of it anymore. I'm in no hurry, but it was fun. He was so proud of himself that he started singing and clapping.

I suppose it's my proud-ness that is letting him stand on the ottoman right now, rocking it back and forth and will likely break his neck in a matter of seconds. Oop - he just jumped. I better go kiss that owie.

Funny Follow-up

I was leaving for work this morning with Elliot dawdling behind me on the stairs. We're almost outside when Fred yells "Hey - See you out there!"

So funny...

Idiots on Winter Roads...

I'm heading down 52nd Street, nearing Old Cheney and am sliding to a stop noting that indeed, 4x4 doesn't do anything for you on ice.

I'm sitting. And sitting. And sitting, wondering when this ugly old car is going to grow a pair and finally pull out so the rest of us can get on our way. And Elliot is continually asking "Where Daddy go? Home?" and I'm continually saying that yes, Daddy is at home but he's going to work. "Yep" is all I hear from the backseat.

In my rear view I see this total tool cruising down the street as though its car has superbrakes and is somehow able to not slide stopping down a hill. The car gets closer. I'm watching its every move and realizing I have no where to go. I'm likely heading for an accident.

E: Momma. Where Daddy go?
A: Daddy is at ho---- Elliot this guy needs to slow down!
E: Yep. Daddy home.
A: Well, son, Daddy almost rear-ended mommy. So if you look to your left, Daddy is right over there in that guy's driveway.

Yep. It was Fred in the giant Grand Prix barrelling down 52nd Street and narrowly missed slamming the back end of my car before veering into a driveway. We gave each other a look. Mine said Seriously? What the hell? and his was something like Gee, I'm a dumbass.

Nothing more dramatic happens and I get to work. This was our exchange, via email:

A: Did we about have a little accident this a.m.? I think our State Farm agent would've laughed at us...
F: Yeah it was 80% me going too fast and 20% the crappy tires on my car. And then when I saw it was you I really panicked, because then we would have had 2 deductibles to meet, I saw $ signs flashing before my eyes. So even though I might have been able to stop in time I just turned off anyway. Then I thought it was funny.
A: I need to blog this. And, you're an idiot.

Christmas Cards, Revisited

About this time last year I blogged about not getting Christmas cards done for yet another season. Things haven't changed much this year.

You see, some special folks will be getting cards. It's an art project I worked on with Elliot and, as you can imagine, the attention span of a not-quite-2 year old isn't very long.

For those of you that do get a card, please be polite and not rub it in to those around you that didn't get one of his spectacular each-is-an-original works. It's just not nice.

For those of you that don't get a card, it's not that we don't love you, it's more that he refused to work without consulting with his lawyer, Fluter vonBuug after only completing 15 cards. He was babbling on and on about child labor laws and the cruelty of being forced to create art so his mom would finally have something to send out. Oh, the humanity. (His words, not mine, although it did sound more like Down? Milk? Daddy? as I was saying 'hold on, honey, just one more for mommy.')

Getting to Know Me...

Note - I am yanking some b/c this is just too long....

1. What's your favorite book at the present time?
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.

4. Where is the place you want to go the most?
Australia - just to explore for a few weeks.

5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?
Lunch with Amelia Earhart.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Absolutely - I've seen some very pretty ones in my day.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Invest most of it and then donate the rest.

10. Do you prefer to fly or drive?
Fly - it's faster. If you don't mind losing your bag, paying to park and running through O'Hare.

11. Which type of person do you hate the most?
One-Uppers. You know who you are because you already thought of how you could better answered this.

12. What is your ambition?
To raise a socially responsible and respectable human being. I already have him, now I need to get to work.

16. What is the one thing you like about your country?
Freedom that I all to often take for granted.

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
The paranoid part of me.

Seriously.

If they can make a fake Christmas tree that literally pops out of the box with hinged, pre-lit branches that open right up, why can't they make a tree that is already adorned with your family's ornaments too?

A Recap of This Week's Events

1. At lunch on Tuesday, my coworkers and I talked about the book we would someday like to write. My answer was simple and hard - I would love to write a biography on my Grandpa Wenciker. I don't know a whole lot about him, and he's not here any longer to tell me, but the parts I know are intriguing. I know he was one of many children in a depression-era household and was actually given up because they couldn't afford him. I know he was in the army and was dreamy enough to catch the attention of my sassy French Grandma. I just love the story of their meeting and marrying.

2. I got my mole removed. Elliot's been trying to do it for months but he's not medically certified. Yet. I've hated that thing for all of my life. Fun Fact? It even got airbrushed from some of my Senior Pictures because the photog thought it was dirt.

3. I had a party on Wednesday. It was a Signature Homestyles Party - and I invited everyone to come whenever they wanted. I tell ya, I haven't had that much fun in a long, long time. I should consider having get togethers more often. I think Aunt B tried to call me - but it was loud and I missed the call. I had no way to call her back - so if that was you Aunt B, I'm sorry!

4. We made Christmas plans to visit the Missouri Morrissey's. Christmas day will be a traditional ham type of dinner but the next day will be a Nebraska type of dinner: Valentino's Pizza. I can hardly wait.

5. Went to Nate M.'s birthday party on Tuesday at Lost in Fun. It's a fantastic place for a party, really. I just can't get over the fact that he's 2. That means - eek - that my nephew will be 2 next followed by my own son. YIKES.

6. I made robes for the boys' birthdays. They are the cutest little robes ever. And I just now realized that I forgot to get fabric scraps for my mom - Sorry Mom!

Not So Much...

Fred and I are home-bodies. Ask us and we'll tell you that our ideal weekend is loafing around the house in pajamas. Ask Elliot and he'll look up at you, cock his head to the side and say "bye bye?" in his most pathetic almost-whining voice.

Alright, alright. I get it. You don't want to stay home all day, every day.

He only had to say it 17 times before we got the picture: being home Thursday night through Saturday was too much. Bye bye? Shoos? Coat? Bye bye? Saturday night we went grocery shopping.

Around 3 on Sunday he started in again. Bye bye? Bye bye? Coat? Go? Bye bye? I headed to the gym and Fred took Elliot to Wal-Mart to cruise the aisles.

For two distinct reasons this is a bad place to be: 1) Elliot thinks he always gets his way and 2) We come home with extra stuff we didn't "need" but wanted because we were there like cookies and Christmas decorations.

To emphasize his point, he took off running at daycare this morning, yelling "Hayeeee" (Haley). Found her, hugged her, kissed her and plopped in her lap. He then gave me that snooty little look as if you to say Oh, Mom, you're still here? Aren't you supposed to be gone?

Again, son, I get it.

Giving Thanks: Kitty Edition

Message from Sienna:

1. I didn't have to spend my day running from that snotty-nosed boy that constantly pulls my tail and whiskers.

2. I figured out how to get my collar off when the owners were gone so I ran around the house naked all day.

3. When the owners got home they fed me a juicy, fishy can of wet food instead of that tired old dry stuff.

Hurrah! Happy Thanksgiving! I should catch another mouse for them tomorrow to show my sincere appreciation.

Love, the Cat

Giving Thanks

Today seems to be that day every year when we actually stop for a second to be thankful. Instead of listing major, grand items I am thankful for, here are my 10 simple every day thanks:

1. Fred. Whether it's following everything up with 'your mom' or 'that's what she said' he keeps me in stitches every day. He's also my very best friend and his looks aren't half bad either. Fred also takes care of our money so I don't have to think about it any more.

2. Elliot. Nothing beats watching him swim in the tub - I swear. I love his grins and even his evil little laugh. While I do wish his legs would grow longer I do love that he can wear the same pants for a year.

3. Sienna. Just kidding. I felt obligated to put her here.

4. Family & Friends. Whether its taking Elliot for a weekend or making me Texas Sheetcake and Corn Casserole, they know me and love me for who I am. I am also very, very thankful that Lisa is doing great and even made it home for the holiday. I also am thankful for a fabulous sister and wish she'd quit all of her jobs just so she can email me all day long. I love my friends - old and new. I am thankful that Katy is back and I am thankful for getting to babysit the highly sought after Kael.

5. Clean laundry. I just love having a drawer full of clean socks to pick from in the morning.

6. My car. It's a great place to store shards of Goldfish crackers and juice cups. And was a great ride for our October trip to Kansas City.

7. Food. All kinds, all shapes and all sizes. I love eating lunch with co-workers, eating dinner at home with the boys and am looking forward to Thanksgiving Dinner today. It's just a crying shame that NO ONE in Fred's family eats cranberry sauce.

8. Cranberry Sauce. How I love thee. I've always taken for granted that the gelatinous canned goody would be on the table - but these years it doesn't seem to make it. (Come on - it's easy! Pop open the can, cut along those lovely and helpful ridges and voila!)

9. Mail. Nothing beats good old-fashioned mail in the mailbox. While I don't get much, I am always surprised by creations from Team Craun and the Craunlets. It makes me smile - and makes me wish I would return the favor more often.

10. Everything Else. This includes the books I avidly read, the NintendoDS that I constantly play, the magazines I read and even the guy that created Sons of Anarchy on TV. There's too much to list here really, but one of my favorite things ever that I am continually thankful for are the fleece, footed pajamas that Aunt Donna got me a long, long time ago. I love them. I know I am leaving more out..... like my sewing machine, my newest cute brown shoes and that I have a roof over my head.

Happy Thanksgiving - and Tecumseh, here we come!

Definition: Philanthropy

Per Wikipedia:
Philanthropy is the act of donating money, goods, services, time and/or effort to support a socially beneficial cause, with a defined objective and with no financial or material reward to the donor. Although such individuals are often rich, people may perform philanthropic acts without possessing great wealth.

Per Anna:
Philanthropy is the act of giving some type of resource that, in the end, betters someone or something. A kind act. Even if the gift is small, the meaning and spirit behind it is huge.

(Possibly, the basis of Christmas 2008 at the Seckman house.)

Sunday's Correlation

When your child eats dinner and slurps down two cups of milk you probably shouldn't rough-house him too much or he'll throw up down your back and all over the floor.

Learn your lesson, Fred?

Today's Correlation

I guess that when your child is too busy showing off at a restaurant and doesn't have the time or attention to actually eat their dinner, they'll be up at 5 a.m. starving to death.

Who knew.

Isn't There a Hotline?

I know there's a number to call when your spouse is abusing you.
And I know there's a number to call when an adult is abusing a child.

What number do I call when my lovely son jacks me in the jaw?

I was minding my own business when he asked me to sit and read him a book. (Sounded more like "sssit. booogkh.") He climbed on my lap and we proceeded to read the truck book from the Hatchell's for the millionth time. At the end he gave a maniacal little laugh. Then he laughed again, throwing his head back - directly into my mouth.

It took my breath away and as I was trying to console him (should the victim console the attacker?), my lip was swelling and bleeding. When I told him that mommy had an owie he kissed me and hugged me and clapped for himself. Yes, attacker, you did good.

Gyam-pah Yeeeeem!

Elliot's been working hard on people's names lately. Normally, the grandparents' names are kept in two parts:

Fred: Elliot, say 'Grandma'
Elliot: Gwamp-mah
Fred: Cindy
Elliot: Cienn-eee

Grandma Cindy and Great Grandma Judy were up yesterday visiting. Fred tried to get him to say Grandma Cindy but Elliot wouldn't budge. Finally:

Fred: Elliot, say 'Grandma Cindy'
Elliot: (Thinking then looks away.) Gyam-pah Yeeeeem!

We all died laughing. Gyam-pah Yeeeeem (Grandpa Jim) wasn't even there. I suppose that's his way of saying Hey, parents, I don't really feel like saying Grandma Cindy's name over and over just to amuse you so back off already.

My Slow Learning Curve

As I learned in my self assessment (posted last Thurs.) - there are times when I find myself fighting myself. I'm ready to give up my fight.

Today's Lesson: Anna

I have been seeing this quiz on other blogs I follow and decided to take the plunge. Let's see how close it came:

Anna, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem.

Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.

You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole."

With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darnedest times.

Quick Snippet

This morning Elliot wanted to help me pack my bag for the Food Day we're having at work. In addition to the food I planned on bringing, I arrived with the following:

• Pumpkin stickers on the Cool Whip, and
• A little bag of Hershey's Kissables.

He must have thought those were important.

Elliot's Dream... Coming True

He skipped right over Stage One: Getting to Know the Pumpkin and moved directly into Stage Two: Pumpkin Rolling. By this time next year I fully expect him to be in Stage Three: Competing for World's Best Pumpkin Chucker. Enjoy!

I don't know about you - but it's his diabolical laughter in the first clip that makes me continually re-watch this video!

My Apologies...

I'm sorry for making you think I'd create this great post about Halloween. In my head it was great. I even have the pictures. What I don't have is time. I never seem to have enough. I now present Elliot as Tigger:


The last two days I've been sick. Like puking sick. And what ticks me off the most is that I puked up my donuts from Sunday morning. I used to love them - now I'd prefer to not see them again for a long, long time.

Anyway. I never got around to the post and just now I got the pictures off the camera. I have just enough time to post those, post this and get ready before the boys get home and we go to dinner with Fred's friend. Phew. Oh and I haven't puked since yesterday so I'm going to survive.

A Post is Coming...

I haven't forgotten Halloween. In fact, I have a humorous blog all worked out in my head and as soon as I have some free time I'll get the pictures off the camera and construct my masterpiece.

Until then.. know he was a cute, pumpkin rolling, num-num eating Tigger.

Here I go, Again

I'm so glad the political season is coming to a close.

This morning, a woman called the local radio show expressing her absolute love for having gotten her absentee vote. Why? So she could make an informed decision.

Yes. I'm serious. Because, and only because, she got her absentee ballot did she vote informed. She said it, not me.

Confused? Me too. You mean to tell me that in all other elections you abandoned your personal responsibility to inform yourself? That you voted on a whim because you liked someones name, they were a specific party, or because she was a chick? Wow. I'd rather you didn't vote at all.

So now you get your ballot early, google up each person on there and then fill in the dot? Seriously? The radio folks were praising this novel idea. You know what I think is a novel idea?

GET INFORMED. Read the paper. Surf the internet. Research them for yourself! I will admit when faced with two people I know nothing about, and its a race for some district judge or something, I tend to leave it blank. It's better than making an uninformed decision.

I actually reached over (after rolling my eyes and saying "Oh, come on!" out loud) and turned that junk off. I am not going to be 'that mom' that lets her kid listen to garbage in the car.

I'm done. I swear. That was the last one.

Taking a Moment

So it's been a while - in Anna blog-time, that is - since I've posted.

There's a reason.

We got news Saturday morning that some of Fred's family (in Missouri) were heading to a horse show and were in an accident. Without going into too much detail - they were hit head-on by a piece of farm equipment that somehow came off of the SUV that was towing it from the other direction.

Fred's aunt got the brunt of the accident and is currently in the hospital with numerous broken and fractured parts. The other two are banged up but okay for the most part. One of the two horses made it.

Our world just kind of stopped. Or, at least, halted. What can we do? How is everyone? And then back to what can we do? The answer: Nothing but wait and hope for a good recovery. I hate that answer.

Trip to the Pumpkin "Patch"

Irony at its best.

We went to Roca Berry Farm's pumpkin patch last night. We never actually made it into the pumpkin patch. HA!

So - sorry but we have no staged photo of Elliot amongst pumpkins. I'll try to post some of the pics we did get later.

Watch Out - Here I Go

Okay. I've contemplated it. I'm going to do it. My blog, my opinions.

I'm feeling a bit suffocated lately by everything political - signs, billboards, television ads, endless phone calls, debates, newspaper articles - mostly feeling out of sorts. Why? Mostly its that I'm a blue living in a raging state of reds. The system is broken people; let's fix it.

Yes, please raise my taxes if that means I get to have fabulous parks, libraries and public school systems. Thank you for honoring individual freedom and for believing choice is a fundamental and constitutional right.

I believe our government should work for the common good. I believe in a government that supports equal opportunities for all and respects the privacy of its citizens. As a citizen, I am obligated to respect life and be a steward of the environment - done and done.

You can bet I will be at the polls on Tuesday. I will proudly wear my "I Voted Today" sticker the rest of the day. Then I will go shopping for the evening to avoid the 18 repetitive conversations that will be on every station that do nothing but create stress and speculation.

Wednesday I will wake up to a new president. And hopefully, CHANGE.

Smooth Talker

In what seems to be overnight, Elliot is talking more and more everyday. Here's a little list of what he's currently saying (followed by what he's actually trying to say):

Noh. Mine. (No, you are mistaken because that object is mine.)
Take-oo. (Thank you!)
Moh Cakah/Mik/Waffo? (Mom, I would like to have another cracker/milk/waffle.)
Ware-it-goh? (Where did that object that I just had go to? Complete with shrug, palms up and quizzical look on face.)
Here goh. (Here, Dad, I'd like to hand you this object.)
Sit? (Mom, I'd like to to sit so close to me that you're nearly on top of me and Dad I want you to sit just as close on the other side.)
Lessee! (Let's see! Used when taking temperature and it's time to see the reading.)
Wok? (I'd like to drag you around the house by your finger and make you sit somewhere then get up and walk some more and then rock in the rocking chair.)
Wok? (Not to be confused with walk - I'd like to rock on the rocking horse or in my little rocking chair OR Mom, you rock in the big rocking chair.)

Rollin in his 5.0

A little while back, Elliot was given a car by his Wenciker Grandparents that actually came from Uncle Dan somehow. Here's a little video, made by Freddie, in which Elliot debuts his incredible racing skills.

The part you don't get to see is Fred pushing Elliot in the car back UP the driveway. Over and over and over and over. You know, Fred said, I can run 13 miles and be okay but pushing him back up that driveway 30 times really is a killer.

Dang... Again?

So you know that one time when I was whining about Elliot and it turned out he had a sinus infection the whole time? Well - you know how I've been whining about him getting up at 4 a.m.? Turns out, according to the doc, he is having night terrors.

Essentially, he is "waking up" terrified out of his mind yet he's not actually awake. Which is why when we were trying to console him and figure out what was wrong it was making it worse because then he would jolt awake and panic even more. Bizarre.

Oh, and Elliot? I'm sorry about threatening to put you outside.

Dear Elliot

While I appreciate you letting us sleep in until 4:45 this morning - please STOP this nonsense. Or at least tell me what you are needing at this hour. Because if you can't tell - when the entire world around you is dark and asleep it means its time for you to be asleep. Or working 3rd shift at Smart Chicken but I don't think that's our case.

Momma doesn't understand what your yelling, head-bashing and screeching means. I never studied banshee-speak in college. So I guess it's come to a bribe.

If you sleep until at least 6:30 tomorrow morning, I'll let you have WHATEVER YOU WANT for breakfast. Candy, ice cream, cat food - you name it, it's yours.

If you don't? I'm going to get you at 4:whatever and put you outside so Momma can get some more sleep.

Love, Momma
PS - I'll let you know tomorrow whether or not I'm kidding.

I'm in Love

So I don't want to admit it, but I like watching the new FX Show 'Sons of Anarchy' even though I desperately try to read whenever its on (and only get one page read during the entire hour).

I figured out why I like it so much. I'm in love with Jax.

Shut the Alarm Clock Off!

Oh wait, what? That's not the alarm? Ohhhhhh.... right - it's Elliot. It's 4:15 a.m. OF COURSE he's wanting to get up right now this second!

I tried to get him to go back to nigh-night like the rest of the state but he wasn't having it. Fred tried and he got even more upset. Finally at 5:15 a.m. or so I got up with him. He wanted a "nack" and then some "joos" and then proceeded to play with EVERY loud toy he has, throw balls at me and stack books on me.

I was curled up on the couch under a blanket occasionally mumbling "mm-humm" when it sounded like he was asking a question trying to pretend this wasn't actually happening. Then - the little turd slept the entire drive into daycare this morning. Life is so unfair.

Rain, Rain Go Away

I'm going to sing a little ditty for you:

Rain, Rain Go Away
You are Ruining Anna's Day

You see, while I yammered on and on that Elliot was going to his first pumpkin patch I was only hiding the truth. It's my first pumpkin patch too. And I was SUPER excited about it.

It officially got canceled for tonight and re-scheduled for next week. Probably the day after all the big dumb kids pick all the cool pumpkins and leave me with a moldy lop-sided one that has a squirrel living in it.

Some Chick Humor

I sent out an email letting folks know that I need some movers to come into the office to move some giant files. Because we have to pay for an hour of their time, I asked if they need anything else moved.

Amy, a co-worker in Cairo (Nebraska not Egypt) responded with this: Could you send 'em west? I'd like to rearrange my bedroom furniture. I'd also like my face and the area below my neck lifted.

Seckman Pumpkin Party?

We're supposed to go to Roca Berry Farm's pumpkin patch tomorrow evening with Elliot's daycare. The Weather Channel is saying otherwise - cold, blowing rain starting tomorrow at 9 a.m. and not stopping for a few days. I called Fred to whine.

That's okay, he said, I'll just buy some hay bales and pull Elliot around in the wagon in our garage. We can even have cider.

Besides, he continued, it's all about the photo-op at this age. We'll just take him to Super Saver and toss him in with the pumpkins and take a picture. No one has to know.

Right. No one that can't read that milk is on sale for $2.88 a gallon. I can hear Grandma Judy now "Chuck! Since when did Roca start selling milk?"

Lunch Notes

I went to lunch today with a few friends from the office. Here is a smattering of what was talked about:

My safety word is kumquat.
I usually work the 10th and O corner.
I feel your pain.
I'll have to de-program my kid for a week.
My bar name is Cameron.
My children's names are Cammie and Lappie - my parents bought them from Korea and Japan.
I'm on a diet. An all-carb diet.
I am going to write a romance novel. The characters will be named Dirk and Vulva.
I'm having soup at my wedding?
I put my kid to sleep with Kenny Loggins every night.
I put mine to sleep with the Beastie Boys.
Ivanna Cone?
She peed all over everything!

Don't you wish you could have been there? I love our lunches.

Me and My Vertigo

U2 sang a song about Vertigo that made it sound cool. I don't its cool as it rears its ugly head for the 2nd time in as many months.

As you recall, I was diagnosed with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV) days prior to the gall bladder fiasco and was told I can plan to deal with it off and on for the rest of my life. Well, it's currently on. It's on and it sucks.

I can't help but wonder if anyone else that knows me suffers from this. Will it end up being some bizarre thing like the gall bladder incident that I later found out almost ALL of the women in my family had theirs out around age 30? Are you all spinning in your heads but not talking about it?

What I find ironic is how every kid spins and spins and spins just to get this sensation for a minute. Elliot wanted me to spin him around this weekend and at the end he laughed heartily while I staggered back to the deck to sit down and be grounded for a moment. It's like the benefits of 15 spins without the work - but I don't like it.

Labor Pains

Because you're all dying to know - it seems a broken wire between the steering column and shifter is the likely cause of the key incident.

So - about $1.25 for the part and $170.00 for labor and we can pick it up later today. Yipee.

Well Shit.

The night went great - the kids were great - I got sent home with 4 caramel apples and even made it over to Tina's to pick up my sunglasses.

Drive home, pull into the garage and....

Well Shit. The f-ing key won't come out. The car is in park but it won't release the dang thing.

We tried driving it around, tried on and off and shifting and pulling fuses - all to no avail. According to my best friend Google this is a common Pontiac thing and more commonly a Pontiac Grand Prix thing. Well Shit. Good thing we ditched the Alero and kept the GP.

So much for a lazy Saturday morning. Now we'll be at DuTeau's and well shit, since we're already there let's just fix the brakes. Hey, car, did you know the economy is sucking and this is NOT what we needed right now?

What Was I Thinking?

I volunteered to help make messy caramel apples with a friend - and her three kids and two of their friends tonight. YIKES!

Running (Blogging) Fool

I'm going to try to run. Yes, again. Yes, I know, I've tried to do this a million times. And yes, I know, I always seem to fail miserably.

This time I have a plan. And to help me stay with this plan, I have a new blog so you can follow my journey. I have also done this so that you don't have to be bothered with sweaty shoe stories.

Visit me anytime at See Seckman Run and read more about my attempts to put this plan into action, as crazy as it may be.

Oh, and don't fret - I'll continue to post here too so I can tell you about that time when Elliot literally laid down in the middle of O Street at 7:45 a.m. because he didn't want to walk anymore.

Excommunicated? Or Just Frowned Upon?

Before I start this, let me put up my disclaimer that I am not religious but not anti-religious nor do I want to get into any religion-related conversations/arguments.

I learned I am essentially excommunicated from the Catholic church.

As most of you gasp and say 'ANNA is Catholic? Who'd have guessed?' let me give you a little background. I was raised by a mother that embraced the Catholic church and even put in a private school for grades K-6. I have been baptized and have godparents that are practicing Catholics. I have had communion and have been confirmed (they were prerequisites to "passing" that grade in grade school - feels a little forced).

I digress. I was in a conversation today and was told that because I got married outside of the church to a non-Catholic that I am essentially excommunicated. I've done some googling on this and it seems to me that Catholics aren't all that excommunication-happy as they like to leave the door open for you to 'repent and return' whatever that means.

I did find, however, that I am not a valid Catholic any longer and neither is Jen. I tell ya, I've never missed it (sorry mom and Auntie D), don't really like the Catholic religion and even got C's in Religion class in 5th grade because I refused to memorize prayers (but got extra credit from Sr. Cecilia for doodling a portrait of Mary in my workbook)... but now that I'm invalid... I feel like I just got VOID stamped all over me.

I don't think it will make me run to the church and ask the local bishop to recognize me (apparently you have to do this now that I've marred my record). I don't know that it will even drive me to go to any church. Just something I found interesting today.

Stupid Jokes (That Make You Laugh)

While Fred was watching Ace of Cakes this weekend, one of the cake gals told this stupidly funny math joke:

Why couldn't the trig problem get a loan?
Because tangent wouldn't cosine!
- - - -

At a Ben Folds concert years ago we heard this joke:

A pirate walks into a bar with the captain's wheel down his pants. The bartender says "Hey, why do you have a captain's wheel down your pants?" The pirate says "Arr, it's driving me nuts!"
- - - -

My friend Amanda told me this, but it might not work without hearing it:

What are the two best animals on the farm?
(In your best 70's disco music voice, said quickly) Brown Chicken Brown Cow!
- - - -

Did they at least make you crack a smile? If so, my work is done.

First of Many Times to Come...

Elliot ran away from home yesterday. And as it says in the title, it was likely the first of many, many more times to come.

One second we were all in the living room; next second we're in the living room but Elliot has opened the screen door and is standing on the patio waving at me. Doh! After we quit laughing, I joined him outside for some good old fashioned play time.

How City Folk Make S'mores

Last night, Fred grilled some brats and then tossed wood chips on the coals to get a good burn going. About 7:00 last night I grabbed my twisted metal hanger, loaded it with two marshmallows and marched outside to make my first s'more of the season.

I swear it was the best s'mores ever. And, I swear, even MacGyver couldn't have made a better marshmallow holder. Kudos, Freddie Bill.

Sinusoidal Tendencies

So you know how I've been complaining about Elliot's fits lately and how they seem to be ramping up over the last couple weeks? Well - - -

Dr. Jones said, in her nicest voice, that when your kid has a RAGING SINUS INFECTION its a lot easier to set them off. Their ears ache, their teeth hurt and their tummies are full of gunk. Whoops. Wonder how long that's been festering...

But the nagging voice in my brain says this isn't the sole culprit.

I've had sinus infections and I didn't resort to biting people, bashing my head into the wall repeatedly or firmly believing I can ONLY eat crackers. I never had an absolute hate for wearing anything other than a diaper nor do I have the obsessive need to go 'ow side' all day long.

So, little man, I will give a little more sympathy but don't take advantage - if you bite me again you're going to LIVE in time out. Consider that your final warning.

Bedtime

Elliot looked at Fred tonight, said "nigh night?" and cocked his head to the side, nodding as if to say Yes, I really did just ask to go to bed.

Fred took him back, read stories and laid him down. Just as he was getting covered with a blanket he looked up at Fred and said "tank oo" (thank you) and smiled.

Nighty night, Elliot. Sleep tight.

This Week, In Pictures

Earlier this week, Elliot was determined to fit inside of his boat. Inside it, not just on it or around it or with his feet in it. He tried every which way to no avail.

Mommy, my very first pair of pj pants finally died. A moment of silence please. Would you ever imagine that the pants YOU made me would be the source of inspiration for my first tattoo??

Dear Fred, When you taught your son to 'body slam' the teddy bear did you really think he wouldn't body slam you?

Get along, little doggie. Apparently now our horse rides best when the rider is adorned with a pj top, a diaper and a hat. Giddy up.

Crazy Brenda, I Highly Dislike You.

One of Elliot's classmates has an over-the-top mother whom I lovingly refer to as Crazy Brenda (CB). She is that woman that constantly compares your kid to her shining example.

This episode happened this week: I dropped Elliot off and went about 10 feet away to fill out his paperwork. I hear the shining example rattling off names of the classmates. Then I hear CB say "Hmm, now if only you could get Elliot to talk."

Excuse me? Are you kidding me? I'm still within earshot, lady. And he talks just fine - he's 20 freaking months old. Just because he can't enunciate 'backhoe loader' like yours can doesn't mean something is wrong.

I really wanted to jump over the counter and say "At least my kid has all of his teeth!" HA - that'll teach her. But surely, in her best one-upping voice, Crazy Brenda would tell me that her shining example is so evolved that she's not even going to mess with all of her baby teeth.

Redemption

One second he's in the throes of fit-dom - crashing, thrashing, screaming and crying. The very next second he walks to me (still sobbing), hugs my leg and kisses my pant leg.

Son, you've just saved your life.

Really? Someone Funnier Than Me?

So. Over a month ago I got a sales call from GoToMeeting and wound up talking with someone that maybe possibly might sort of be as funny (or heaven forbid funnier) than me - Rich. I figured that no one with a drab name like Rich could possibly compete- but a recent barrage of emails had me on my toes (or fast-typing fingers) just to keep up.

Here are some excerpts:
A: I am quite terrible at returning calls... so here I am avoiding my phone like the plague. (Then I clacked on about changes and being busy.)

R: I was starting to think you died. And I was starting to get concerned. Which is strange, I know, because why be concerned if somebody is already dead? ... And ... she re-emerged, like Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean! I'm so glad you're alive! (He went on to mention random facts from our previous phone call.)

A: HA! What, are you stalking me? I actually have a medical excuse to throw in there. (Insert emergency gall bladder thing.) Soooo in all of my pain and stress I managed to alienate my bestest California friend ever. And for that, my friend, I apologize.

R: No need to apologize. I'm just ... trying to make a living by providing your organization with a useful and affordable tool that embraces the internet and the future of business. See how I sneaked that over-the-top sales pitch in there? ... It's called an incredible memory and it only becomes stalking if I use the information to manipulate you ... which, of course, I would never do (unless your org doesn't buy my product). Just kidding. (Sorta.)

A: I can't believe there might be someone funnier than me ... it's a hard blow to my ego. I feel the urge to blog about this but I may need to manipulate your text to fit within my post.

R: Are you saying you can say what I said better? You could do a better job of being me? ... I can see why you wouldn't want to post my magnificent prose alongside your own fine work - nobody wants that kind of competition on their site.

End of email transmissions. So, really, is he funnier than me? I'm concerned. Take the poll to the left and let me know you still love me more.

UPDATE: It has come to my attention (mostly after finding out that even FRED voted for the enemy) that I should point out you are supposed to judge his little bits of funniness with my entire amount of funniness - not just these snippets. And if I continue to lose I will pull this poll so that I can save some amount of face.

Little Things

Subject of Research: Elliot, 20 months

This weekend, our little guy FINALLY figured out how to successfully drink from a straw. You would've thought he just won a triathlon - that huge smile and looking around to make sure everyone saw what just happened.

He is so impressed with himself when he sees flashing lights and says "wee-oo wee-oo" while raising his jazz hands - and more impressed when I say 'Yes, that IS a firetruck!'

Every day he learns more words and as he is increasingly more able to communicate with us he exudes such an enormous feeling of accomplishment that you can't help but beam proudly when he said 'bocks' (blocks) for only the 2nd time in his life and his dense mom actually GETS OUT THE BLOCKS.

Also this weekend he figured out how to make his push car move forward (instead of always backwards) and it was that same look of shock and awe intermingled with "Look at me go!" looks.

Enough gushing. Oh - and I guess I do love him so he's off the market. Sorry Aunt B. (But hey - how old does he need to be to come to cousin camp?)

Anna = Embarrassment

Ever since I was pregnant with Elliot my basic math skills have been lacking. No, not lacking - completely non-existent. I can't even do a simple addition of 8 and 5 without using my fingers.

Our money system involves one joint account and then we each have a personal account with an "allowance" to spend on whatever and not have to have the other involved. (Works especially great for gift-buying times.)

Then I get this email today:
Really, I work at a bank and My Wife has overdrawn her checking account.
I am now on the naughty list at work.
This is embarrassing.

I don't have an explanation. I'm not even going to try. I eat out too much at work, don't bother with receipts and never check my online balance. I have never ever overdrawn an account before today.

Bad Anna, Bad BAD Anna.

Baby For Sale.. or Free.

Adorable toddler boy seeks new home full of unconditional love.

Owners must have constant supply of "cwakkers" and diligently read the "tuck buk" multiple times a day agreeing that all "tucks" are firetrucks in which case you must wee-oo-wee-oo every time.

Must possess a cat for toddler show you where its ears and tail are (by yanking on them) and also possess a "gampa" and "ganma" for him to see through the front window (and bang on until the entire house shakes).

Lately, must enjoy cleaning up puke at 2 a.m. and have a fondness for Class-A Fit Throwing (in which he excels). Over absolutely nothing. A million times each day.

Comes with clothes, shoes and furniture and gives excellent kisses.

My Latest Obsession

I just can't get over how cool this is. You type in an artist you like and it creates a music station for you to listen to. Its online and its free - two of my favorite things.

To avoid some bizarre form of plagiarism, I suppose I should mention that I heard about Pandora while visiting Kinetic Brew downtown.

Missouri, You Had Me at Hello

I just love our weekend jaunts to Missouri although we just don't make them often enough. The play-by-play of our weekend has already been done here - so I'll give you some funny excerpts from the 'wise beyond his years', 6 year old Ethan:

End of a conversation about what only 'old people' do:
A: Ethan, how old do you think I am?
E: 14.
A: Nope, I'm 30.
E: Well I'm 80. Today's my birthday. Where's my present?
A: Uhhhhhhh I don't have one and today is not your birthday.
E: Yes it is and I'm 80. (Humphed in a hurt feeling way and looked away)

Fred and Bill were discussing some guy who hand-crafts Legos into various unavailable things like WWII pieces and weaponry, etc. During their exchange is this:
E: Fred. Fred. Fred! Fred! Freddie!! Fred. Fred. FRED!
A, F and B: WHAT???
E: (Looks shocked b/c full attention is on him) I do that.
A, F and B laugh hysterically.

While playing Legos:
F: I think he's an architect.
E: I know what an architect does.
F: What do they do?
E: They do things.

Trying to show Elliot how to get down the stairs on his behind:
E: (Ahead of us) Come on Elliot, I'll teach you. See Elliot, bump bump bump down on your bottom.
A: That's nice of you, Ethan.
E: I teach people. Big and Small. And older than me and younger than me.

Anna comments on Bill's over-use of crackers-to-chili ratio:
A: Wow, that looks about how much cool whip you put on a pie.
F: What? Cool whip? Oh - I get it.
E: (Holding his Indiana Jones whip) Yeah, Fred, my whip is cool.
A, F and B laugh hysterically.

There is tons more where that came from... but these were the cream of the crop.

Thank You!

We got a package in the mail on Friday just before leaving for Missouri. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa Seckman - they're perfect!

I Seem to Like Writing Letters...

Dear Elliot,

I love you.

I love your crazy dancing (even when it results in cracking your skull into things). I love your crazy toddler language. I love the way you can study some inanimate object for intense minutes and wonder what you're thinking. I love the way you climb up on things but insist on help to get back down (I still get to feel needed even as you're growing up so fast). I love the way you demand crackers for every meal (or do I?). I love the way you play in the bath as though it is the most fun you've had all day. I love watching you read your books. I love how you rock on the horse. I love the way you look in overalls (and those awesomely too small Levis). I love that you are an "easy" child most days. I love that you sing yourself to sleep every night. I love that you get up sometimes at 5 a.m. (not really I don't). I love the way you ask "whassat?" to everything and patiently wait for an answer.

Most of all? I love cruising into daycare at 5:15 to pick you up. You spot me, grin widely and drop whatever it was you were playing with making a run at me (and trampling other children sometimes) yelling Momma! the entire way. I love the big hug I get when you finally reach me.

I love that that moment for today is only about 6 hours away.

Love, Momma

An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Body,

No.

Love, Anna

I Am "That Girl"

We all know that girl or that guy that you worked with that did something stupid. I have to admit it - I am that girl.

Yesterday we were moving offices and I was trying to help out a coworker by fixing a wood carved sculpture that broke in her office. I got the toolbox. I got out a fresh new tube of super glue. I popped the seal and PSSSSHHHH out sprayed glue... everywhere. It was like a mini fountain of water droplets only these were super sticky death droplets.

Wendi describes what happened best - I was worried about it being all over the place, on my hands and face and potentially even in my eye (because, seriously, like I need the Menard's Incident all over again??) and then a look came over my face. Oh. Shit. I looked at Wendi and said "Wendi?" in my small, did-this-really-just-happen voice. My finger was glued to the super glue bottle. Super glued to the super glue bottle.

At first it was a little funny, until it really wouldn't come off. (Which begs the question - why do we inevitably think that it wouldn't really stick to us?) Then we realized we had no way to remove the bottle. We tried hot water - nothing. Even a piece of ice - nothing. Called Katy and she suggested WD-40 (seriously??) but we didn't have any. Finally, Wendi made a trip down to Walgreen's to get some Acetone that according to our online sources said it should work.

What they didn't warn us about is putting acetone in a Styrofoam bowl. If you ever want to see a bowl disappear in literally 4 seconds - fill it with acetone.

In the end, the glue bottle came off and I didn't lose much skin. Fellow employees were a little bummed that a. I wasn't thinking it was hilarious yet and b. I didn't get a picture of the glue bottle stuck to my finger. Hey - I can't ALWAYS be the funny one.

Howdy Pardners, My Britches Don't Fit

I've come to terms with the fact that Elliot is shorter than the average bear. Apparently I haven't come to terms that he is actually still growing and not just weighing more.

It's pants weather and I excitedly grabbed the BEST pair of jeans ever - a pair of dark blue classic orange-stitched Levi's from his Grandma Cindy. I put them on and noticed they were a little snug and thought "eh, he'll be okay for today." I mean, really, he just wore them a few weeks ago, he can't possibly have outgrown them.

I should have known when I had to help him stand.

He gripped on to my arm for dear life and when he was standing shot me a peculiar look as if to say mom, what the heck? He was able to take almost 2 steps at a time, in a very bow-legged manner, before crashing to the ground. I thought my little cowboy was cute - I didn't realize he couldn't BEND HIS LEGS. He bowed and crashed a few more times before looking me directly in the eye and screaming.

Got it, Elliot. Got it loud and clear.

The pants came off and as my way of apologizing I let him run around pants-less for a while. I already miss those jeans. Oh, and you can send new clothes, size 18-24 months (shirts/pants) or 2T (shirts only) directly to our house.

Diaper Cakes, Eateries and Climbing on Chairs

My parents came on Saturday to hang out with us and thankfully it only took Elliot 15 minutes to warm up to them. I was a little concerned, but it's amazing what a piggy bank in the shape of a car and a seemingly endless handful of change will do!

My house guests, cousins Sabrina and way-pregnant Teresa, came Saturday night. I learned a nifty craft that is still somewhat new to the Nebraska area: making a diaper cake. As Auntie D and my mom learned, a diaper cake is not a real cake but a crafting of diapers in the form of a wedding cake. A cake adorned with all varieties of baby items.

We, of course, had to eat at Runza and Valentino's. They are fine establishments, my dear out of town guests, but Lincoln has more to offer than cabbage rolls and pizza and I would LOVE to show them to you!

Teresa's baby shower was Sunday and that was a blast. Crazy Aunt Brenda did her voodoo on the girls to predict their babies. (I probably shouldn't note this here, but CAB did predict I would have a boy and a girl. I had the boy. You can keep the girl.)

On Monday, the girls left. Almost immediately, a new little boy sprouted out of Elliot - climbing up chairs and bar stools, screeching his voice, running and even sprouting another of his eye teeth. He's a changed man, I tell ya, a changed man. The best part of Monday was checking out the new spray grounds at recently renovated Trago Park. (I forgot the camera, sorry.) Elliot loved it and so did his parents; I hope these catch on - we had more fun at this than a pool any day.

Then came Tuesday. Fred went to work. Anna went to work. Elliot went to school. And Sienna?

Well, she napped all day without being chased around, shaken from a nap, hit with pillows and forced to kiss and hug. I guess at least someone shows her attention, right?

What I Meant to Say...

You know how sometimes you say one thing but meant to say something else? That happened to me this weekend. The scenario - Elliot was climbing on the kitchen chair being a complete goofball. Here's what happened next.

A: Elliot, I swear you are one foot out of being in a menstal institution.
F: A 'menstal' institution?
A: Shut up, you know what I meant!
F: Did you just tell him he's in a menstrual institution?
A: (Look of shock) I did not!
F: Well... I guess he sort of is from a menstrual institution.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't even jot down the situation to be able to blog about it. Fred was laughing, I was laughing - then Elliot decided it must be funny so he laughed and clapped.

Timing is Everything

As you all know, this blog is titled 'Seckmans Say What' and when it began it was not only me posting blogs. My other half used to contribute.

The reason he doesn't contribute may be my doing. You see, we were driving down the road one day and we were having a conversation about .. I don't know, probably something to buy at Target .. and he made some mention about never even blogging. I simply said that I had been considering yanking his rights from our blog anyway because his blogs are boring and I just hadn't found the right time to tell him.

Apparently that was not the right time.

He gave me this 'you're going to make me eat generic ketchup to save a buck?' look and said "Wow." That was it - just "Wow." I laughed, trying to make like it never came out of my mouth as a serious idea but it didn't work. Damage was done.

Since then he has emailed me rather funny stories and I always respond - BLOG THAT! - but he doesn't. I don't know if he's trying to scold me for threatening to banish him or what. Today's baked potato story is especially funny but I doubt you'll get the privilege of hearing it.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him. That post about his geek watch was.. err.. riveting? It is impressive that he can do the mathematical functions that he does. And its essentially a job requirement for him. It's just not a blog requirement and if anyone can tell me how to broach this subject politely please tell me.

Now, here's for hoping he finds the humor in THIS post... Otherwise I might be locked out of my house when I get home tonight.

Nothing to Blog About...

I can't seem to think of anything blog-worthy. It's blogger's block. Nothing truly blog-tastic has happened lately. Only things that would be lost in a blog-version of the event.

Like the time Elliot got so angry about something that he literally cleared the coffee table with a forceful swipe of his arm. You don't get the "I could kill you but I don't even know what that means" look on his face - anger, frustration and Hell-No-I'm-Not all mixed together. And how do I explain that I couldn't stop laughing and had to hide my face while Fred was calling me a bad mommy without marring my perfect image?

His new noise and hand gestures for firetrucks is adorable.. but how does one blog about that? Anytime he sees, hears or thinks he sees or hears a firetruck its a quick intake of breath followed by 'whasat' and then "wee oo wee oo wee oo" while his jazz hands are moving up by his shoulders. See - was that cute? Really? It's sure a hoot when he's doing it.

Or how about how he keeps wearing my 'sues' around the house. Much to my surprise, he walks rather well in them. We did manage to get a video of that but I haven't bugged Fred to shrink it down yet to fit on here. Thankfully he's sticking to my running shoes and not the heels...

Now that I've tucked you all into bed with this boring nigh-night story, I'll sign off.

Addicted...

Fred thinks I'm addicted to Facebook.

While out loud I say "Oh quit it, I am not!" I am internally saying geez, took him long enough to notice.

He's even suggested I get the new blackberry so that I can have Facebook at my fingertips. Please, like I would actually want that. Oooh, can I? Please?

Then, I rationally think but then what would I do at work all day??

Is She Pregnant?

Thanks to the surgery, I am swollen and left with gas in my belly that is making me appear about 3 - 4 months pregnant. I'm also burping uncontrollably like I'm 9 months pregnant. I went shopping to find some looser fitting shirts but with the current styles out there I looked more prego than ever.

I've already fielded the question once. Most people know that its surgery related and these are the very same people that know I have no desire to be pregnant again.

What bugs me is the looks I'm getting. I walked to lunch yesterday and noticed the looks - right at the belly and the inquisitive face that says "Is she or isn't she?" without speaking a word. I feel the need to make a shirt that simply says "No, I'm not. Thank you for staring."

However, I am a believer of the old if you can't beat em, join em theory. I blamed the baby for making me eat some candy yesterday (baby was hungry). Baby was blamed again last night when I had a pain in my stomach (it must have kicked) after lifting Elliot before I was supposed to. I wonder what else this invisible baby can get me...

It's Fair Time - JoCo Style

Elliot and Fred went to Tecumseh yesterday to partake in Johnson County Fair activities and check out the animals. I napped, watched tv and updated flickr. Fred came home last night and Elliot stayed so that we could get some things done and I could ease back into "normal" life without bladdie.

In my email today, I got a cute video. While its not plagiarism, it is a copyright issue for me to post this online. I sure hope Fred's Grandma Judy doesn't leave me a nasty message on my blog. Anyway - it's short, but cute.

Now be honest - did you play it more than once and did you catch yourself wanting to wave back at him? I know I did.

And, yes, I plan to work the word plagiarism in until I'm over that jerk.

Just Another Manic.. Saturday

Yesterday was my first day home alone - and, ironically, was also the day of the most visitors and phone calls. My hubby called to check in on me, some girls from work came over (with a cookie cake in hand!!), Aunt Donna called, Kelly called to chat, Tina and the kids came over and then Fred and Elliot got home. I loved it!!

As I sit here typing, Elliot is in his crib screaming with defiance to adjust that snarky little attitude of his this morning.

I hate that I can't be the one to rescue him. I'm in the midst of this strict no hold, no carry, no pick up (virtually, no interaction at all) thing with him, doctor's orders. And, I don't think my belly and its missing parts could handle it.

Fred is currently negotiating with Elliot that he will NOT do anything cool, fun or exciting while he naps if he'd just nap. HA. I think Elliot knows that as soon as his little eyes shut we're out in the living room having truck races, playing in the sink and painting like crazy. He's on to us. We've been blown.

Home Sweet Home

Well, as you all know by now I've had one hell of a week to say the least. As we determine how to refinance our house to pay off these medical bills that will be rolling in, I thought I'd give a general update. No plagiarism intended. And probably not much humor as it still hurts to laugh.

These pains came on fast and furious Thursday and never stopped until the surgery on Tuesday afternoon. I was completely out of it until Tuesday night and slept ON MY BACK that night for a few good chunks at a time. Weds they weren't sure if I was going home right away since my O2 levels were kind of low. That's what happens when someone hasn't been able to take a deep breath for a week (and no one seemed to care) - and now it hurts like an SOB to take that breath.

Regardless, the surgeon's assistant came in and looked me over announcing I was good to go if I wanted to go home. And while that was seriously (I am not kidding) the best Jell-O I've ever had, I was ready to go.

So we packed up and 4 hours later (not kidding there either) got our paperwork to leave. We were home by 7ish and Elliot came home a little while later. Pretty uneventful really, but it was one of the best showers I've ever taken and since it had been 3 days....... you get the point!

I don't know what else to say really. I've been home w/ Fred today (E is at daycare) and have been trying to fly solo as much as I can. I think I'm doing well enough that F will be at work tomorrow and I'll be home alone. Not sure about this weekend - it's hard to know that I can't play with, pick up or hold Elliot and he doesn't quite understand that mommy has an owie and instead sort of acts like I'm neglecting him. Truly its harder on me than him at this point.

Let me know if you have any questions... I didn't want to bore with details. Oh and I thought I had this thing set up to where I moderate comments (thanks again, Anonymous) but apparently you can't comment at all... I don't know what I did.

Some of you will find this funny: Apparently, my gall bladder did NOT look like a Christmas jalapeno much to my disappointment. Kinda pissed.

And I could go on for hours about the differences in St. E's and Bryan and how for a huge variety of reasons I would have chosen Bryan if given the options (I apologize if I offended any St. E Lovers) but I will instead give you my number one reason: The pineapple upside down cake at Bryan is TO DIE FOR. I'm not kidding in the least.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and thoughts - and the flowers and cards and visits - it's great to feel so supported. I was pretty sure there for a while that a Gremlin was truly trying to claw out of my body.

Fred''s News

Anna is currently in St. Elizabeth's hospital scheduled to have her Gallbladder removed this afternoon. What started with a trip to urgent care Thursday night, then a Dr. visit Friday morning, then a 9pm emergency room visit to Bryan on Saturday, then a Monday morning Dr. appointment, has now become a hospital stay and surgery.

She spent the night there last night but the pain is so bad she hasn't been able to sleep or even lie down. They have continued to give her enough pain meds to kill a horse but it still can't seem to ease her much. As I left to quick grab lunch they had given her a double dose of morphine and Demerol and she was finally able to relax a little bit sitting down.

The surgery can;t come fast enough. Elliot is enjoying some Tecumseh time and appears to be over whatever was bothering him the last few days.

That's all for now.

Dear Anonymous

I have just removed my post from the other day in which I referenced an article I had just read.

Thank you, Anonymous Commenter, for accusing me of plagiarism but know it was not what was intended. Yes, I read the Dooce blog and that is how I originally found the article. Perhaps I should have noted that is where I heard of the public article but because I was not re-posting her comments I didn't really feel the need. And, instead of bringing it directly to my attention I further thank you for posting it on my blog.

In the future, assuming I continue posting, I guess I'll stick to concrete objects like poop.

The Early Bird Gets ... Well, Nothing.

I get this email from Fred this morning (and I may have doctored the text a little by deleting some words):

Happy Anniversary to you.
I ran 4 miles this morning since it's been 4 years.
(and that is a complete lie)

It's adorable that he told the truth about lying. It's true he ran 4 miles and it's true that it's been 4 years. It's also true that our anniversary is TOMORROW and not today.

Coming Soon: Another Frivilous Purchase

The beauty of us having personal accounts in addition to our one joint account is that I get to do silly things like buy iPod after iPod.

I'm thinking these might be coming home with me. They're a bit pricey (but are on sale) and don't fit the best but I'm pretty sure I need them for use at the aqua track at the gym. The gym I just joined. And have been to once.

Did you hear that? It was the sound of Fred groaning and rolling his eyes. It's the same sound you hear from me when Fred thinks he needs another video game.

Apple Addiction?

Years ago, Fred bought himself a nano when the mp3 player I got him (pre-iPod era, mind you) crapped out. So technically, because it was an exchange through Best Buy I helped buy the first iPod that entered our house.

That was iPod #1.

Once I decided that my mp3 player was no longer cool (and I never used it), I decided to buy myself an iPod. By then I was able to pay less and get more memory and it was a fantastic dull silver color to not show scratches.

That was iPod #2.

I didn't really use it (like ever) so I traded Fred giving him my better iPod and still not using the iPod I then "owned." Then I decided that maybe I would use a Shuffle more than I would the actual iPod. I mean, how handy is it that it clips right to your person??

Last night, surfing the web I purchased a shuffle from Apple's refurbished stock. It should be here in a few days.

That was iPod (Shuffle) #3.

I can't help but wonder how long the shuffle will stay in its box unused before Fred confiscates it and starts using all 3 iPods.

My Want List

I want to sell the basement TV and get a new one for upstairs.

I want to leave the cat outside forever and ever.

I want to sell my child when he's crabby. Or trade him for some gum.

I want a bicycle just to say I have one. One with a basket.

I want my sister to come back online.

I want to have the energy and time to work in my backyard more.

I want tonight's dinner now - grilled hamburgers mmm.

I want to have something exciting and funny to blog about.

Misery Loves Company

Upon the copier/printer getting fixed (yes, it took 6 hours), a co-worker responded to me with this:

OH JOY! Now if someone could come out here and fix my computer! It doesn't want to "SAVE AS" any new documents I create. It's been a joyous day of computer battles. Literally, man against machine...well, WOman against machine. Dipstick. Curse Word. Another Curse Word. Yuck.Yuck.Yuck. Poo!

Amy - my sentiments exactly. Isn't it 5:00 yet???

Cute Enough to be Crabby

That was the saying on a shirt from Grandma Cindy from the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. I need to call them and see if they make that shirt in big girl sizes.

You're not going to get a post from me today since I'm Captain Crabbypants. I won't subject you to my whining and yelling and screaming and pounding of the keys of my poor keyboard. It's not very fair to you.

You don't really care if I'm not having a great day. Nor do you care that Wendi - my coworker and partner in crime - is gone to not be able to help me out. (In fact, part of me is blaming her for my misfortunes.) Everything at work is falling apart - the copier is broken, my dumb accounting software is locking up and the Shared Drive has gone completely missing a few times. I have a headache. Elliot is trying to potty train himself. I am addicted to Facebook.

But I won't bore you with details. And, much to my shock, the three donuts I just gobbled up aren't helping.

I'm just hoping that I'm cute enough to be crabby for a day.

Blackmailing Forgiveness

I have offered to forgive Jen for her many, many wrongdoings if she sends two bee prints my way. I wonder how bad she wants my "eh, forgetaboutit."

The Apology (about 8,463 days late)

My sister is a terrible person. Just terrible. Combine that with me being terribly gullible at a young age and what do you get?

A sister that solidly and unwaveringly believes EVERY WORD out of the older sister's mouth.

She stayed home from school to watch MTV. Mom got her out of school to watch the soaps. People on the 3rd block always had parties. She had a secret clubhouse; she had a secret club that met there. The doozy of them all? We ALL share air with ONE other person. You die, she dies - she dies, you die. (I think you get the point.)

Needless to say, I embraced this and to this day have an anxiety attack if someone gets too close to my air supply. I know, I know - we don't share air (do we?) and she won't die if I have to hold my breath (will she?). The damage has been done.

Today I got the following email from my sister:

i am terribly sorry for the irreversible damage I have done.
I had no idea I was wielding such power then.
I would have NEVER made up all that horrible stuff...
especially about the tragic girl in africa that needed to share your air.

It is just awful.
Jen Craun

Should I believe her? Likely not. It's probably her idea of a joke. Next she'll tell me that she only apologized because she heard my little girl in Africa died (she didn't did she??).

Hey, Hey, Whattaya Say?

American Airlines is cutting us a check today!

A big thank you to Jim for even suggesting we follow up with AA on the missing items.

Elliot James: The Stats

The Big El turned 18 months officially yesterday and had his dr. appointment this morning. Here are his stats:

Head is in the 75th percentile (48.7 cm)
Weight is in the 61st percentile (26# 8.5oz)
Height is nearly the 25th percentile (32.5 in)

Basically, he's still a tank with a bobble head.

Name of The Day

When someone bugs you today, call them an Evil Troll. It's just funny enough to make you forget why they're being so annoying. Go on, give it a whirl.

Even I Know That...

I am, by far, not the fashion template Stacy and Clinton want us all to be. And I'm okay with that.

I was at lunch yesterday with some co-workers and we happened upon a gal that was dressed questionably. It was enough to make me almost lose my appetite. It was enough that all girls in the area looked, stared at their friends with big eyes and giggled like 7th graders. It was enough that every guy there was in a coma.

What was so bad? Well, she was wearing white shorts.

But not just any white shorts. On the positive side they were to her knees. On the negative side? They fit her tighter than her own skin. They were so thin you could see freckles. SO THIN that you saw a perfect outline of her delightful wedge-tastic undies. YECH. The best example I can find is here (only in white). One gal at my table was JUST SURE she spotted a tattoo. I just hoped she wasn't going to rip a juicy fart.

Normally when I see someone rocking something I wouldn't dare I say "well, at least she has the confidence to wear it." Not in this case.

I think we decided that she's one of two things: Dumb enough to think they look good or dumb enough to don't realize they look terrible. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but even I know that is one terrible fashion choice.

Stupid Sk8rs

Ugh, the la-dee-dah Championships have only just begun.

I was crossing the street this morning on my way to work when a mother scolded her children for trying to cross as well. She looked at me and said to her children "Just because she's setting a bad example doesn't mean you go. Wait for the walk sign."

I turned, gave her a dirty look and smiled in the snottiest way I could. Then fumed about her as I finished crossing thinking that she's lucky I even waited as long as I did. You work down here and you just get to know the streets, traffic and signals and know when you can "break the law" and step out into the street. Tell me I'm setting a bad example. What kind of example is over dressing your child in spandex and sequins and rubbing way too much of granny's lipstick on their cheeks? Bad example. I'll show you bad examples - they're down on 13th and F Streets and they look awfully similar to the way you're dressing your child! Tell me I'm setting a bad example. Lady, you haven't seen bad example. Playing human Frogger through O Street is a bad example. Stepping off the curb 3 seconds before the little white walker light blinks on is hardly a "bad" example. Get over yourself already.

And, yes, this blog will be a good solid smack in the face when I'm yelling at Elliot to wait until he sees the walk sign before running into traffic. What is he, nuts? Does he want to get run over?

Where Meat Comes From

Some background first... the Morrissey kids live in Missouri and are comprised of Ethan, age 5 and Alaina, age 3. Their parents are Bill and Lisa - Fred's uncle and aunt.

The other night at dinner they were talking about something that I can only wait to hear discussed at my dinner table. Enjoy.

Ethan: (chewing thoughtfully on a bite of chicken): Mom, is this pig?
Lisa: No, it's chicken.
Ethan: Chicken means meat from a chicken.
Lisa: Yup.
Ethan: Mom, we could get our own meat if we went out and shot birds and stuff.
Lisa: That's true.
Ethan: Where's our guns?
Lisa: We don't have any guns.
Ethan: We need some weapons!
Alaina: (standing on her chair stabbing the air) We just got swords and knives.

Pause...as Bill & I stare at each other suppressing laughter

Ethan: I know! We could just sneak up on the ones that hold still and get them with the swords.
Alaina: Yeah, and we would hit them and eat them.
Ethan: Mom, I think the deer meat will taste good.
Alaina: Yeah, yummy deer meat!

Elliot, Meet Your New Sitter

I finally did it. I was home alone with Elliot, he decided 6:00 a.m. was a FINE time to get up. I fed him a cereal bar, gave him juice but it wasn't enough. Somehow I had to shower. So I did it.

I turned on the TV and introduced Elliot to his morning babysitter.

It's not like he's never watched TV, I just haven't ever used it this way before. But, dangit if it didn't work like a charm. When I got out of the shower he was swaying his body along with whatever song the Backyardigan's were singing.

See, it's not so bad after all - I could have left him watching SportsCenter and that would've been worse.

Paper, Rock, Scissors

Fred has many funny quips that I hear on a daily basis. Some are funnier than others.

I made an appointment today with a Dr. Rock. Fred's response: That's a funny name. If I was him I'd find a Dr. Paper and a Dr. Scissors and start a practice together.

Updates

1. De-Binky-ing is going well. Friday night was rough - he screamed himself into hysterical gagging but finally crashed after an hour and 15 minutes. Saturday was a solid 10 minutes. Today he didn't want to nap so I did not have a good outlook for tonight. But.... not a peep.

2. Fred's grilling is also going well. Not only do we grill out almost every night but Sundays have become 'Smoking Sundays' at the Seckman house. This weekend's entree of choice is a chicken with all-American BBQ rub and corn on the cob from the Farmer's Market. This has been quite a tasty investment.

3. American Airlines is trying to work on this with us on the pilfering incident. I should hear by next Friday for sure but as long as our items aren't found in Chicago (yes, you should be laughing with me at this point) they'll be reimbursing us. I had my choice of cash or vouchers... uh duh... vouchers of course (Kidding!).

To B(inky) or Not To B(inky)

Much to the dismay and open disapproval of many family members, a binky has been plugging Elliot's mouth and blocking his face since he was born. I personally appreciated the binky when he was a lot younger - it was like choosing between binky or getting thrown up on due to MSPI or GERD.

We've gotten him scaled down to only get it at night and at nap time at home. This weekend - it's going for good. From what I have read, we have three options:

1. Cold Turkey. It simply disappears and is never seen again. Somewhat similar to the story of Aunt Billine throwing Kim's binky out of the car on the highway.

2. Small Hole. If you cut a very small part of the tip off it will lose suction and he will eventually be the one to think it's a waste of time since it doesn't "work" right anymore.

3. Binky Fairy. In this version, we talk with Elliot about leaving his binky out for the Binky Fairy who will pick it up tonight and leave him a special gift. Honestly, I'm not all that keen on lying to my child yet but more so - how much of that mess will he really understand?

Decisions, decisions.

Regardless of the option we choose, hopefully by Sunday night there won't be any more unnecessary wake ups at 4:00 a.m. because he is TOO LAZY to look for his binky and instead wants us to get it for him. He might of had to lean over 2 inches to his right to get it for himself. And that might be too strenuous for him to handle.

Updates

1. I updated our cuss fund standings and after reading item 2 you'll see why I'm losing terribly.

2. AA is totally yanking me around but at least now they're calling me back. It has officially been called a case of "pilfer" or "Joe Flier Stole My Stuff" as I like to call it. UPDATE: Spoke with Diane from AA this morning (Friday) and she was very helpful and is leading me to believe that AA will be recuperating the cost of our lost items in the next few weeks. I'm not getting my hopes up until I get a check.

Tsk, Tsk American Airlines

I'm not sure why, but I am a little surprised that no one at the Omaha Airport will call me back regarding our missing items. I've spoken to some very nice people who then refer me on to "management" where I leave a voicemail. And no call is returned. I've done this 3 times now.

It's not like I'm after anything. More than anything I want them to be aware that if it wasn't TSA then someone rummaged through our bag and somewhere out there is a nicely folded stack of our clothes and one of Elliot's sandals. And if, by some freak chance, some other AA customer called about finding a stack of clothes that maybe we could get ours back.

If I were Stephen Colbert, I'd wag my finger at them.

Ingredients for a Good Morning

1/2 cup non-existent poop coming out of child's diaper
0.9ml vitamin ONLY in child's mouth
1 tsp Motrin ONLY in child's mouth
1 pair appropriate shoes worn to work
7 second meltdown when child is left at daycare
2 mini left-over muffins at work

Rollin' Into Town

When I worked downtown a few years ago the single most dreaded time of year was when those danged roller skaters show up. Believe it or not, they're worse than the state wrestling championships and the stupid calliope combined.

The best, easiest and least offensive way to describe them is that this is their ONLY vacation they take all year. Here, to Lincoln Nebraska so they can strut their stuff in sequins and spandex on any number of wheels strapped to their feet. The wheels, of course, being spatted out in a matching sequin mess.

Our prayers were answered when they moved the championships to Florida (insert angelic singing and bright light) because the skaters were tired of coming here. A collective sigh of relief was heard.

Not anymore. They're back. The many-weeks-long Championships don't start until the 20th but they're already here and taking over via skate. Last night I saw a semi labeled "Best Skating Outfitters" parked outside of Pershing.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, Strap on your skates and please roll over my head until I am no longer conscious enough to give a hoot about these folks. PLEASE. And hurry.

Mindless Activity

I've been meaning to do this for a while... I was tagged by Jen. Seemed perfect for a day like today when I'm easing myself back in at work after Elliot crying about me leaving him at school.

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? work
3. Your hair? straight
4. Your mother? judy
5. Your father? chicago
6. Your favorite thing? elliot
7. Your dream last night? weird
8 Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? marathon
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your hobby? quilting
12. Your fear? suffocating
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? family
14. What you’re not? smart
15. Muffins? cranberry
16. One of your wish list items? space
17. Where you grew up? Lincoln
18. The last thing you did? email
19. What are you wearing? black
20. Favorite gadget? stapler
21. Your pets? Sienna
22. Your computer? black
23. Your mood? tired
24. Missing someone? Elliot
25. Your car? parked
26. Something you’re not wearing? necklace
27. Favorite store? clothing
28. Like someone? many
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? thursday


TAG yourself, please.
If you play along leave a comment and link to your list.
Rules: answer questions with only one word, then tag 4 others.

Sleepy Seckmans

We got back from Chicago yesterday afternoon without much problem. Here are some highlights of the trip - good, bad and funny.

- On the way to Chicago, our backpack was broken in baggage but we were able to salvage it enough to make it fully functional.

- The eL being out at O'Hare was a total mess and Fred now knows what it feels like to literally hang your butt out on an interstate (that's how packed the shuttle was).

- Navigating buses, trolleys and trains with 10 people was tough but we managed. We have learned how to quickly break down two strollers in record time though.

- Things we saw/did: Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum, Cubs Game, Wicked, Navy Pier, Chicago Children's Museum, Museum of Science and Industry, Lincoln Park Zoo, dinner at Goose Island (my parents and one brother came down) and many more little things I am forgetting.

- Lost Elliot's baseball hat in one of the bus rushing... It's true I didn't like that hat but everyone thought it was very cute and he'd wear it. Fred bought a replacement from the zoo but he won't keep it on.

- Lost a stack of clothing out of a suitcase on our way home - surely it was just a mix up since one stack is missing. Sadly, ONE of Elliot's super cool sandals is gone.

- Got caught in the rain a couple times and somewhere out there is a picture of a gaggle of Big Birds as we all traipsed home with bright yellow ponchos on.

All in all, it was a nice trip and we've been recovering our sleep. I slept from 4 yesterday until 7:30 this afternoon, Elliot did a 12-hour night and is napping now and Fred is running on 10 hours of sleep last night. Now it's time to unpack, do laundry and fill our bare cupboards.

We didn't take too many pics (the downside of having been so many times?) - but I'll try to get them posted later today. For now I need to get the bus, train and plane stink off of my body.

It's Time for a Vacay...

As most of you know, we're headed out to Chicago tomorrow and won't be back until Saturday. We're going out with a bunch of Fred's family and have rented a house just outside of downtown where we'll all stay together - it's going to be fun.

Outings include a Cubs game, dinner with my parents at Goose Island, celebration of Lainey's birthday and seeing Wicked. Mixed in there will be the typical tourist-ey things too - Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum, Navy Pier, etc.

While this goes on, Sienna is at Camp Morrissey in Tecumseh where her camp counselor Chuck will be keeping her company.

You KNOW I will have stories for you when we return. Until then - wish us luck flying with a very independent 18 month old boy that does NOT want to sit down. Ever.

UPDATE: We just found out that the train stop at O'Hare is under construction and out of use starting hours before we get there until the end of July. I guess our group better learn to navigate the city's bus routes so we can get to and from the airport!!! Cindy and Judy, don't panic - Fred already has bus maps for us.